


A Man Learns Who is There for Him

by GinnyK



Category: NCIS
Genre: Friendship, Light Angst, Sick Tony, Team as Family, Tony needs to talk, reference to SWAK
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-08-06 18:13:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 40,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16392644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GinnyK/pseuds/GinnyK
Summary: Set early season 11.  Ziva's gone and Tony's a mess, physically and emotionally.  What starts as a forced weekend of relaxation with Gibbs being the self appointed babysitter ends with 10 days of Tony being reminded by his friends that he is loved and is never truly alone.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first NCIS story, but not my first fan fiction by a long shot. I came very late to the NCIS party, started binge watching over the summer. Almost done season 12.
> 
> Title is from the song "From Now On" from the movie The Greatest Showman.

It was late Friday morning of a long and stressful week.  It seemed like every week for months had been long and stressful for Gibbs and his team.  They were still trying to regroup since Ziva made her decision not to return to NCIS. 

Some were taking her decision harder than others.

Gibbs looked up from his computer at the sound of his Senior Field Agent trying to suppress a cough.  He caught Tony’s eye over his monitor and the younger man quickly glanced away.  A nasty cold had gone through most of the NCIS staff during the past few weeks.  Most everyone had suffered a couple of days and then went on with their lives.  With Tony’s less than stellar lung function Gibbs was keeping a close eye on his agent. 

A little after 1:00 his growling stomach reminded Gibbs he’d had only coffee for breakfast.  He grabbed his gun and badge to head out to get something to eat.

“DiNozzo, I’m going out for food.  You want something?”

“Nah Boss, I’m good,” Tony muttered, not bothering to look up.

Not the answer Gibbs wanted to hear but he headed towards the elevator determined to get back to NCIS as quick as possible to keep an eye on Tony.

***********

Gibbs was back in 20 minutes.  He dropped a container chicken noodle soup and some packets of crackers on Tony’s desk.  His chair was empty and Gibbs looked at McGee.

“Men’s room I think,” he said, answering the unasked question.

“He said anything lately?” Gibbs asked as he sat down at his desk with his sandwich and bottle of iced tea.

“About what?”

“Anything other than work,” Gibbs muttered around a mouthful of ham and cheese.

“No.  You worried about him?” Tim asked as he turned his monitor a bit so he could actually see Gibbs.

“Yeah, aren’t you?” Gibbs snorted.

“Yes Boss, of course I am, we all are.  Ziva’s leaving hit him harder than anyone could have imagined.  I don’t even think he had any idea how hard it was going to be.  But you know Tony, he keeps everything inside.”

“Yeah until he doesn’t and then all hell breaks loose.”

“Exactly,” McGee agreed as he saw Tony come back into the bullpen.

Tony sat down at his desk and saw the food.  He looked up to see Gibbs give him a little nod.  Tony gave a small smile in return and opened up the soup.  It smelled good, or he was pretty sure it did, it was hard to tell with his currently diminished sense of smell.

The paperwork on their current case had been finished by late-morning and everyone was doing a little cold case work.  Tim spent some time with Abby in the lab and Ducky and Palmer were making good use of the downtime to clean things up in Autopsy.

After lunch Gibbs eventually checked in with Abby and Tim, finding the two of them in the lab talking about their mutual concern for their teammate and friend.

“He won’t even talk to you Abs?” Gibbs asked as he handed the young woman a large Caf-Pow.  She just shook her head sadly.

“Quiet Tony is bad enough, sick, quiet Tony, that’s really bad,” Abby sad with a sigh as she took a big gulp of her drink.

“It’s been a long week, I want the two of you out of here by 5:00,” Gibbs said as he kissed Abby’s cheek and patted Tim on the shoulder as he headed for Autopsy.

*******

Gibbs hit the button to let himself into Autopsy.

“Jethro, to what do I owe this unexpected visit?” Ducky said as he turned around on his stool.

“Can’t I just stop by for no reason?”

Ducky just rolled his eyes at Gibbs.

“Has DiNozzo talked to you at all?”

“About what?” Ducky asked, feigning ignorance.

“Anything, anything at all.”

“No, Anthony has talked very little about anything since he got back from Israel.  I’ve barely seen him this week come to think of it.”

“Well, that’s probably because he managed to get the cold that’s been going around.  I’m sure he doesn’t want to be poked and prodded by his doctor,” Gibs explained as he paced around the room.

“How sick is he, Jethro?  Shall I send Mr. Palmer up to the bullpen to drag him down here?”

“It’s a cold.  Didn’t even start worrying about him until this morning when he started coughing.  I think he’s gone through half a box of tissues today.  He did eat some soup but I think that’s about it.”

“I’ll be sure to check on him before I leave today.  Have you tried to talk to him?” the ME asked as he wandered into the supply room to grab something.

“Me, talk?” Gibbs snorted. “That’s funny.”

“You know Jethro you could give it the old college try.  He may talk to you.”

“Why would he, I haven’t exactly been sympathetic towards him since he came back.  I know Ziva’s departure has been hard on him but I don’t know what to say.  Communication on a personal level, not my wheelhouse.”

“That’s an understatement,” Ducky muttered.

“You’re not helping Duck,” Gibbs all but growled.

“He needs to see you care.”

“He knows I care,” Gibbs said sharply.

“Exactly, deep down of course he knows you care, but he needs to see it for himself, here and now.”

“I don’t know how to do that without coming across as awkward,” Gibbs admitted as he ran a hand over his face.

“For heaven’s sake Jethro, the boy loves you dearly.  You’ll think of something.  Now go back up there, make up some excuse and send him down so I can check him out.”

“That I can do.  Thanks Ducky,” he called over his shoulder.  Ducky just shook his head as the doors slid closed.  He grabbed his medical bag out from the drawer and set it on his desk before turning back to the report he’d been working on when Gibbs arrived.

******

Gibbs went back up to the bullpen.  McGee was back at his desk and Tony was missing.

“Making tea,” McGee answered, before Gibbs could even ask.

“Thanks Tim,” he said as he sat back down at his desk.  He checked his voicemail and email, waiting for Tony to return.

A few minutes later Tony came back to his desk, carefully setting his mug down before he dropped down into his chair with a sigh.  He opened a folder and picked up his pen.  The words were swimming on the page so he wasn’t getting very far.  He took a few sips of the tea trying to ignore the fact that his boss was watching him.  He knew why Gibbs was keeping an eye on him, he’d gotten a good glance at himself in the bathroom mirror a few minutes earlier.  A few stifled coughs later and he looked up to see his boss standing in front of him. 

“Need something Boss?” he asked as he tossed down his pen and pushed the folder aside.

“Yeah, can you run this down to Ducky?” he asked as he handed Tony a manila envelope.

“Sure,” Tony replied as he took the envelope with the distinct feeling he was being set up.  When he got to the elevator his feeling was confirmed as he opened the envelope up to find a few blank sheets of paper.  He couldn’t really be too annoyed, he’d considered a trip down to Autopsy to have Ducky check him out a few times during the day.  He loosened his tie a little and wiped his nose with a tissue he pulled out of his jacket pocket.

As he hit the button to open the doors to Autopsy he took a deep breath, resulting in a coughing fit.

“Hello my dear Anthony,” Ducky called from his desk without bothering to turn around.

“Hey Duck,” he said as he dropped the envelope on the ME’s desk.

“What’s this?” Ducky asked, trying to look innocent.

“Gibbs’ excuse for sending me down here,” Tony snorted as he hopped up to sit on one of the autopsy tables.

“I’ll be with you in a minute,” Ducky said over his shoulder.  “Let me just finish up this report before I lose my train of thought.”

“Take your time,” Tony muttered as he slipped off his suit jacket and folded it up a bit.  He carefully laid down on the stainless steel table, shoving the jacket under his head.

“This wouldn’t be so bad with some padding,” he muttered as he slipped his tie off.

Ducky just chuckled as he typed away.  While he was actually finishing up a report, he was also stalling to see if Tony would start talking.

A few minutes later it was clear that he wasn’t going to start talking without a strong suggestion from the ME.

“Alright Anthony, we’ll worry about checking you out physically in a bit.  How about a little chat?  Would you care for some tea?” Ducky offered.

“No thanks, just had some,” Tony said.

“Very well, but you’re still going to talk,” Ducky announced as he scooted the stool a little closer to Tony who was still stretched out on the autopsy table, apparently making himself comfortable. 

“About what?” he asked as he rubbed at his eyes a bit.

“Whatever you’d like.  But let’s make it something meaningful,” Ducky muttered as he crossed his arms over his chest.

Tony snorted a little as he turned his head to glance at Ducky.  “So I assume Gibbs is worried about me, that’s why he sent me down here for a bogus errand.”

“Jethro is just one in a long line of people who are worried about you Anthony,” Ducky said simply.

“I know. But if I can’t even understand what’s wrong myself, how can I explain to it anyone else?”

“You don’t.  When you have your starting point, you try to figure out what’s wrong.  I assume all this has something to do with Ziva leaving?” Ducky asked quietly.

“Of course it does.  I just don’t know how to feel about it, what I should feel about it, if I even have a right to feel any way about it,” Tony muttered as he put one hand behind his head and covered his eyes with the other.

“You are entitled to feel as you please about the whole situation,” Ducky said gently as he stood up and walked over to turn off the overhead lights.  Tony put his other hand behind his head, thankful for the darkened room. “What you are choosing to do with those feelings it what’s is concerning me.  You can’t keep everything inside.  You need to talk, to me, to your teammates, to Gibbs or to a professional, it’s up to you.”  Ducky stopped there and took a glance at Tony who was still staring at the ceiling, so the older man continued on.  “So you’re not dealing well with the whole idea of Ziva leaving, that’s understandable.  But what’s the real reason?  You were teammates, friends…”

“You kind of trailed off there, Ducky,” Tony snorted as he sat up slowly, trying to preserve what little sense of equilibrium he had.  He swung his legs over the side, braced his hands on the edge of the table and dropped his head down a little.

“You can ask, Ducky,” he whispered, kicking his feet out in front of him.

“Was there something more Anthony?  Did you two break one of Gibbs’ rules?”

“I guess not technically, she’d already made her decision not to return.  The night before I flew back home, we, you know.  Apparently it meant more to me than it meant to her.  I know, kind of ironic, given my history with women.  Haven’t really talked to her since.  I just feel like I can’t get my act together.  I feel like I’m going through the motions.  I come to work, do my job and go home.  Nothing makes me happy right now.  I want more for my life, not necessarily a relationship right now.  I think I need a break from that.  I just need a purpose.”

“What about getting out and meeting new people?  Join a club, find a new hobby.  You need to expand your horizons beyond the Navy Yard.”

“I agree,” he said as he tried to stifle a sneeze.  Ducky handed him a tissue. “I just don’t know how to do that.”

“You’ll think of something.  But until then, you can always come to me, you know that,” Ducky said simply as he stood up and patted Tony’s shoulder before leaning against the autopsy table next to him. 

“Thanks,” Tony replied as he ran a hand over his face.

“Okay Anthony, let’s check you out,” Ducky announced as he went to turn the lights back on and wash his hands.  He grabbed his medical bag and set it on the table next to Tony. 

“Let us start with your temperature,” Ducky announced as he opened his bag.

“No problem, as long as you’re not using the liver probe,” Tony teased nervously.

“I think this will do,” Ducky said as he held up the digital thermometer.  “Under your tongue and take off your shirt.”

Tony wisely just did as he was told.  He unbuttoned his shirt and shrugged it off his shoulders, shivering in the cool room. The thermometer beeped and he handed it to Ducky.

“100.9,” the ME said with a frown. “Okay, you my boy are too tall, come sit on the stool,” Ducky said with a grin.  Tony slid off the table at sat down on the stool which had been pushed in his direction.  A quick check of Tony’s blood pressure and pulse did nothing to make Ducky feel like it was just a little cold.   Ducky pulled the stethoscope out of the bag next and took a quick listen to Tony’s heart before taking his time with his lungs.  He clucked his tongue a few times as he listened, that did not make Tony feel optimistic that he’d be on his way home any time soon.  Ducky said nothing as he reached for the otoscope. Ducky took a quick look in Tony’s ears and throat before setting everything down.  He pressed his fingers gently against Tony’s neck checking for swollen glands. 

“Ducky could you say something.  Your tongue clucking is freaking me out,” Tony teased as he wrapped his arms around himself, trying to get warm.

“Put this back on,” Ducky said holding up Tony’s white dress shirt.  He slipped it back on and buttoned it quickly, not bothering to stand up and tuck it in.

Ducky got him a bottle of water and 2 Advil.  “Here, take these for starters,” he said as he pulled the other stool from across the room and sat down in front of Tony.

“Let’s hear it Doc,” Tony muttered as he tried to suppress another cough. “I’d like to get out of here and go home soon.

Ducky just gave him a little glare which did not bode well for Tony’s current plan.

“Alright my young friend, you’re running a fever of almost 101, ears look fine, throat’s a little red and swollen.  You can imagine what concerns me most,” Ducky said as he poked Tony gently in the chest. 

“What are my crappy lungs for $800 Alex?” Tony snorted.

“Precisely.  You’re a little wheezy and obviously fairly congested.  Using the Advair?”

“As directed,” Tony replied honestly.

“How do you really feel?” Ducky asked, hoping to get a little honesty out of the younger man.

“Chest is pretty tight, like I’m working too hard to breathe. Massive headache and a bit dizzy.  In general feeling pretty crappy right now,” Tony sighed as he reached for a tissue.

“Thank you for being honest Anthony.  I’d prefer to get your pulse ox but as the vast majority of my patients have no pulse ox level whatsoever, I do not have the proper equipment here,” Ducky teased.  “I’m sure food is not very appealing to you right now but you need to stay hydrated or you’re going to get yourself in big trouble.  My suggestion is Prednisone and an albuterol inhaler to try to open things up a bit, make you more comfortable.  And obviously the Advil to bring down your fever.”

“You know I’ll agree to whatever you say, Ducky,” Tony said with a small smile as he stood up quickly.  That proved to be a bad idea and Ducky reached out to steady him.

“Not so fast my boy,” Ducky said.

“I’m okay,” Tony said as he shook off the older man’s grasp.  “I’ll be right back,” he muttered as he hitched his thumb in the direction of the rest room.  “You can call Gibbs and give him an update,” he called over his shoulder as he heard the hiss of the doors sliding open.

“Thanks, DiNozzo,” Gibbs called with a laugh.

“How is he, Doc?” Gibbs asked as he leaned against the nearest stainless steel table.

“Not good.  I’m afraid he’s in for a long night, physically and emotionally,” Ducky said with a sigh as he took a seat on his stool and jotted down Tony’s vitals and some other notes on the pad on his desk.

“Give me the physical stuff, I’m better at that,” Gibbs muttered.

“You can say that again, Jethro,” Ducky muttered.  Gibbs rolled his eyes and motioned for the older man to start talking. 

“He’s running a fever of almost 101, “massive headache”, in his words.  Pulmonary function is of course my main concern at the moment.  He’s congested and wheezy.  Going to give him an additional inhaler and some steroids.  We didn’t even touch the topic of pain medication.”

“You know how well that conversation would go,” Gibbs snorted as Tony came back from the bathroom.

“And what conversation would that be?” Tony asked, giving his boss a little glare.

“Ask him,” Gibbs said, pointing to the ME, effectively removing himself from harm’s way.

“Pain medication, Anthony,” Ducky said simply.

“Not going to happen,” Tony said as he shook his head.  A move he regretting instantly.  He reached out his hand to grab onto the edge of the table.  Gibbs grabbed him by his elbow as Ducky stood up and shoved the stool in the direction of the younger man.

“Sit,” Gibbs all but barked.  Tony wisely did as he was told.  “So pain medication Ducky, what do you propose?”

“Nothing drastic just some cough syrup with Codeine,” he explained.  “I doubt you’ll get much sleep otherwise.”

“But,” Tony said as he put up a hand in protest.

“Shut up,” Gibbs said.  “Please,” he added tempering his tone a little.

“I’ll fill the script but I’m not making any promises,” Tony agreed.  “So hyped up on pain meds and steroids, good thing I’ll be home alone, wouldn’t want to subject anybody to anything I might say or do under the influence,” he muttered as he rubbed at his eyes.  When he pulled his hand away he found two sets of eyes starting back at him.

“Oh my dear Anthony, the fact that you think you’ll be spending the weekend alone really is quite adorable,” Ducky smirked.

“I don’t need a babysitter,” Tony whined, much like a sick 4 year old.

“DiNozzo, go upstairs and pack your stuff.  You’re coming home with me,” Gibbs announced in a tone that left no room for arguing.

“I don’t even have the energy to argue,” Tony admitted as he let Ducky pull him to his feet.  “But we’re stopping at my place so I can pick up some stuff.  I can’t spend the weekend watching the 4 channels that come in clearly on your television.”

“Not a problem,” Gibbs called to the back of Tony’s head as he hit the button for the doors.

“The fact that he didn’t fight going with you is rather concerning,” Ducky said.  Gibbs nodded in agreement.  “Okay, I’ll call in the scripts, you can pick them up on the way home.  I’m not too concerned about food but he needs to drink or we will be adding dehydration to the list of problems.  Gatorade would be best but anything he can drink is fine.  While he needs rest he also needs to move around a bit so things don’t settle in his lungs more than they already have.  Couple laps around the house every few hours is fine.  Keep an eye on his fever, call me for anything over 101.5.  He just took Advil, he can take it every 6 hours.  Goes without saying, see if you can get the Codeine in him, even if it’s only to sleep tonight.  I have dinner plans but you can call me at any hour, you know that.  I’ll stop by in the morning.  Any questions?”

“Yeah, we’ve covered the physical stuff, what else is going on?”

“Doctor/patient confidentiality,” Ducky said with a smirk.  Gibbs gave the older man an ineffective glare. “It’s going to be a long weekend Jethro, you’ll have plenty of time to talk to him.”

“Yeah, neither of us is all that great at communicating,” Gibbs muttered.

“Understatement of the year,” Ducky agreed with a laugh. 

“Seriously, thanks for looking out for him.  I know he’s struggling since Ziva left,” Gibbs said quietly, his affection for his Senior Field Agent coming through in his tone.

“You are correct, Jethro.  Now let me find Mr. Palmer so we can finish up in here, I would like to make my dinner reservation.  I’ll check in later.  You take good care of our boy.”

“Roger that,” Gibbs answered as he hit the button for the door.

*************

By the time Gibbs made back up to the bullpen Tony was asleep leaning over his desk, head on his folded arms.

“He actually tried to stay awake,” Tim explained with a smile.

“I’m sure he did,” Gibbs said as he sat back down at his desk to finish a few things and pack up for the weekend.  When his bag was packed up he went over to wake Tony.

Instead of the head slap which was usually delivered to wake him up when he was sleeping at his desk Gibbs patted the back of his head and gently shook his shoulder.

“What, I’m awake boss,” Tony muttered, jolting himself upright.

Gibbs just raised his eyebrows as he held out a hand to pull Tony to his feet.  Both grabbed their backpacks and they headed for the elevator.

“Tim, get Abby and you two head out too.  Have a nice weekend.”

“Thanks Boss,” Tim yelled, already grabbing his backpack.  “Feel better, Tony,” he called as the elevator doors slid closed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know that Gibbs and Tony need to sit and talk (and listen) to each other. But apparently my muse would rather have Tony be miserable for a while longer. I swear they will talk at some point. 
> 
> Thanks for the Kudos and comments.

After two quick stops at the pharmacy and Tony’s apartment, the pair made it to Gibbs’ house a little after 5:30. It was the earliest either of them had been out of the office in months.

“Toss your things in the guest room.  There’s clean towels and stuff in the bathroom if you want to take a hot shower. Might make you feel better,” Gibbs said as he flipped through the mail he had grabbed on the way in the front door. 

“I think I’ll try that,” Tony sighed as he picked up his duffle bag and headed down the hall.

Gibbs kicked off his shoes and headed for the kitchen.  He got himself a beer and tossed the junk mail in the recycling bin in the corner of the room.  He opened the fridge back up to see if he could find something Tony might eat.  There wasn’t much as he was a desperate need of a trip to the grocery store.  In the pantry he found some soup but that was about it.  He figured they could always order in if Tony really wanted to eat something.

While Tony took a shower Gibbs unpacked the bags from the pharmacy, putting the Gatorade and the milk in the fridge and the other assorted items, tissues, couch drops, digital thermometer and Chapstick on the kitchen table.  Gibbs wandered around the living room with his beer and his thoughts.  As much as he knew he and Tony needed to talk, he also needed time to get his thoughts together before that happened, so he secretly hoped Tony would just get out of the shower and sit still long enough to fall asleep.

He went into the kitchen to put some water on for tea, determined to get Tony to at least drink something.

Tony wandered back into the living room after his shower.  He’d pulled on flannel pajama pants, a t-shirt and a faded NCIS hoodie after his shower.  Hair was sticking up in all directions and he didn’t exactly look much better than he did before his shower. His cell phone and a book were in his hands.  He set both on the coffee table and walked into the kitchen as the tea kettle whistled. 

“DiNozzo, sit before you fall over,” Gibbs said as he flicked off the burner and reached for the nearest mug, one emblazoned with the Marine Corps emblem.  He tossed a teabag in the mug and poured the water in, not bothering to ask Tony if he even wanted tea. “Milk?” Gibbs asked.

“Just sugar’s fine,” Tony answered from the kitchen table where he’d taken a seat. He took the mug with a small, tired smile.  Gibbs found a packet of sugar in the drawer and tossed it and a spoon in Tony’s direction. 

“I’m going to get changed.  Yell if you need anything,” Gibbs said he headed for the living room.

“I think I’ll be okay for 10 minutes,” Tony called over his shoulder, gaining a snort in reply from Gibbs.

Tony got a bottle of water from the fridge.  He took a dose of Prednisone and used the Albuterol inhaler while he waited for the tea to cool enough to drink.  He settled himself down on the couch under the blanket with his tea and his book.  Three pages in he realized he was just dizzy enough that reading was not going to be a pleasant experience.  He tossed aside the book as Gibbs came back down the stairs.  He’d changed into faded jeans and a flannel shirt, clearly planning on spending some time in the basement working on his latest project.

He grabbed his beer off the kitchen counter and sat down on the opposite end of the couch from Tony.  “Book no good?” he asked as he pointed to the paperback Tony had tossed on the coffee table. 

“Book’s fine, head, not so much,” Tony admitted as he tapped his finger against his temple with a sigh. 

“You hungry?  I don’t have much around, been a little too busy to go food shopping,” Gibbs said with a grin.   “Could order something,” Gibbs offered.

“I’m fine for now.  I think I’m going to see if I can sleep for a little,” Tony said, his weariness coming through in his voice.

“Okay,” Gibbs replied as he sat back and took another sip of his beer.

“You know Boss, you don’t have to sit here with me. I’m sure you could be sawing or sanding or whatever it is you do down in your basement,” Tony teased.

“Point taken.  Yell if you need anything,” Gibbs said as he propelled himself to his feet, grabbed another beer and headed down to his workshop.  He left the basement door open so he could hear Tony if he called him.

Tony finished the tea and curled up under the blanket, hoping to be able to just fall asleep for a little while. 

Gibbs worked in the basement for an hour or so, eventually returning to the kitchen when he heard his phone ringing.  It was Abby checking in with him when she couldn’t reach Tony on his cell.  Gibbs glanced into the living room, Tony was stretched out face down, one arm hanging over the edge of the couch.  He appeared to be sound asleep.  Gibbs assured Abby he would have Tony call her later. 

“Who was that?” Tony muttered from the couch as he tentatively sat up, trying to gain a little semblance of time and space.

“Abby, told her you would check in later.”

It was dark outside so Tony knew he’d slept for a while.  He went to glance at his watch, remembering he never bothered to put it back on after his shower.

“A little after 8:00,” Gibbs said, answering the unasked question.  “You look like crap DiNozzo,” he pointed out helpfully as he sat down in front of Tony on the coffee table. 

“Feel like crap too,” he admitted as he started to cough.  He wrapped his arms around himself and leaned forward a bit, trying to stifle the coughing fit.  Wasn’t exactly successful and he was soon trying to both catch his breath and keep from throwing up.

“Breathe Tony,” Gibbs said as he reached out and put his hands on the younger man’s shoulders to steady him a little.  He looked around for a vessel of any kind which he thought might be needed very soon.  A quick glance around yielded only the mug from Tony’s tea, not exactly what he was hoping for.  “Take it easy,” he whispered as he scooted off the table and moved to sit next to Tony on the couch.  With one hand on Tony’s back he pressed the other on to his forehead, pulling it back quickly at the heat radiating off him.  It took a few more minutes of coached breathing before Tony calmed down to the point where Gibbs felt comfortable enough to even get up and go to the kitchen to grab the thermometer.  “Sit tight.”

“Where the……where the hell would….would I go?” Tony muttered between coughs as he backed up into the corner of the couch, happy that he didn’t completely embarrass himself by puking on Gibbs’ socks.

Gibbs returned a minute later with the thermometer and a bottle of Gatorade.  He handed the thermometer to Tony who took it without a word, shoving it under his tongue.  When it beeped he handed it to Gibbs, who wasn’t wearing glasses so he couldn’t read it.  Tony took it back with a snort and looked at the readout. 

“DiNozzo,” Gibbs growled as he waited for the result.

“101.”

“Good news is we’re still half a degree away from calling Ducky,” Gibbs said, trying be optimistic that the night wasn’t going to be endless.

“Also two hours away from more Advil,” Tony sighed as he reached for the Gatorade.  He took a few sips and stood up on shaky legs.  Gibbs reached out to steady him but he waved off the assistance.  Tony managed to take a few laps around the downstairs, use the bathroom and stand out on the back deck for a minute getting some fresh air until he realized it was rather chilly.

He went back into the kitchen to find Gibbs flipping through his vast collection of take out menus.  “Hungry?” he asked as Tony leaned against the counter with his Gatorade.

“I guess,” Tony muttered without much enthusiasm.  He made no move to look at the menus and didn’t offer any suggestions or requests.

“Okay, then Chinese it is,” Gibbs declared, figuring he would at least order something he wanted.

“Wonton soup,” Tony said, not waiting for Gibbs to ask for his order.

By the time the food was delivered Tony was once again fast asleep.  Gibbs ate at the kitchen table, keeping an ear out for him.

At 10:00 Gibbs went back down to the basement, once again leaving the door open so he could hear Tony.  He was only 20 minutes into his sanding when he heard Tony walking around. He heard him cough a few times but he tried to give him a little space and not run up to check on him.  He heard Tony on the landing but didn’t hear him start down the creaky stairs. “You okay?” he yelled up when he heard a rather long string of painful sounding coughs.

“Not sure,” Tony croaked out as he sat down on the top step, fairly sure that trying to walk down the steps would not end well.

Gibbs dropped the sanding block and flew up the stairs two at a time, wiping the sawdust off his hands as he went.  Tony was leaning against the wall, clearly having a fair amount of trouble breathing in between coughing fits.

“What can I do?” Gibbs asked, the usually confident, level headed agent starting to feel just a bit helpless. 

“Help me up,” Tony said.  Gibbs pulled him to his feet as gently as he could.  It was clear Tony was in more pain than he was going to let on.  They stumbled into the kitchen where Gibbs deposited Tony on the nearest chair.  He grabbed a teaspoon out of the drawer and the bottle of cough syrup.  Tony nodded his acceptance of his situation.  He barely had the energy to remain upright in the chair, let alone fight about meds. 

Gibbs took a minute trying to decide if a call to Ducky was warranted.  He was definitely leaning in that direction when he pressed a hand to Tony’s forehead. 

Two minutes later, with a digital thermometer readout of 102.1, Gibbs grabbed his cell phone as Tony struggled to pop the cap off the inhaler.  Gibbs stuck the phone between his ear and shoulder as he motioned for Tony to hand it to him. He popped the cap off and handed it back to Tony as Ducky answered the phone.  He talked to the ME for less than a minute.

“Ducky coming over?”

“Oh yeah.  Don’t bother complaining ,” Gibbs answered in a tone that left no room for argument.

“I’m way past that,” Tony sighed as he sat up a bit straighter, trying to get a deep breath.  “Not sure the inhaler’s working too well,” he admitted.

Gibbs paced the length of the kitchen a few times before an idea came to him.  He grabbed his cell and the bottle of Gatorade.   “Follow me,” he said as he helped Tony to his feet.  Tony followed Gibbs down the hall towards the bathroom.  “Sit,” he said as lowered the toilet seat.  Tony looked at him warily and decided to just do what he was told.  But he did give Gibbs a questioning look.  “Kelly had croup way too many times when she was little, we spent a lot of time in here with the hot water running full blast,” he explained as he turned on the hot water and pulled the shower curtain back so the steam could fill the room.  He hunted around the medicine cabinet and found the bottle of Advil, shaking 3 out in his palm and handing them to Tony.  He took them with a grateful smile, swallowing them with the Gatorade.

Gibbs slipped off his flannel shirt and took a seat on the vanity next to the sink as the room filled with steam.  He kept a close eye on Tony.  His coughing seemed to have lessened a bit with the steam but his breathing was still rather labored.  With a glance at his watch, Gibbs figured Ducky should be arriving soon.

Ten minutes later he heard the front door open.

“Jethro,” Ducky yelled as he shed his coat and tossed it over a kitchen chair.

“Bathroom,” Gibbs called back as he slid off the counter and opened the bathroom door, letting a puff of steam out into the hallway.

“Gentleman, this is a rather sad party,” Ducky teased as he came into the room, setting his black bag on the counter. 

“I’ll leave you two alone for a few minutes,” Gibbs said as he grabbed the flannel shirt and headed down the hall.

“Steam was a good call, Jethro,” Ducky called over his shoulder at the retreating form of his dear friend.

While Ducky hunted in his bag Tony ran a hand through his damp hair before unzipping his NCIS hoodie and shrugging it off his shoulders.  He stood up and turned off the shower as the hot water was basically depleted.

Ducky motioned for him to take a seat on the counter.

“Tell me you had a nice dinner,” Tony said, feeling more than a bit guilty at having dragged Ducky out so late.

“I did Anthony, thank you for asking.  And don’t apologize for our current situation.”  Tony just nodded.  “Okay, give me what your team calls the “sit rep”.  And please be honest.”

“I slept for a while after we got here.  Last temp about an hour ago was a little over 102.  Took Advil.  Coughing got better with the steam, but chest is still tight.  Used the Albuterol and took the cough syrup about half an hour ago.”

“Good boy,” Ducky said with a smile. “And your head?”

“Not pounding quite as much.  And no, I didn’t eat anything, stomach’s a little queasy.  But I drank a bottle of Gatorade,” he answered, pointing to the empty bottle in the trashcan.

“Good.  Open up,” Ducky motioned as he held up a thermometer.  He grabbed Tony’s wrist to check his pulse as they waited for the beeping.  “101.3, came down a bit,” Ducky announced as he picked up his stethoscope and took his time listening to Tony’s lungs. 

“Let me guess, they still sound like crap,” Tony sighed.

“I was going to use some more technical language but yes, they sound like “crap” Anthony,” Ducky said as he picked up Tony’s hoodie and helped him slip his arms back in.  “How about we get out of the bathroom and talk a little.”

“Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute,” Tony muttered as slid off the counter.

Ducky found Gibbs sitting on the couch with an understandably worried look on his face. 

“How is he Duck?”

“He’ll be out in a minute, let’s wait so I only have to do this once.”

“Fair enough,” Gibbs replied as he ran a hand through his hair.

Tony appeared a minute later, dropping into the overstuff chair in the corner, curling up as much as his height allowed.  “What’s the plan Ducky?” he asked wearily.

“Well, I want to start some antibiotics and give you a shot of steroids.  Both of which I brought with me on a hunch I’d been needing them.  Unfortunately, both of them will likely not do your queasy stomach any favors.  Think you can eat a little something, might help you in the long run,” Ducky suggested.

“How about the soup and there’s some rice left, think you can try some of that?” Gibbs offered.

“Yeah,” Tony agreed as he pulled one arm out of the sleeve of his hoodie to let Ducky give him the shot. Ducky and Gibbs just laughed.

“Doesn’t go in the arm, DiNozzo,” Gibbs snorted as he headed for the kitchen.

Tony groaned and stood up.  He pushed down the back of his pajama pants and leaned over the back of the chair.  Ducky quickly gave him the injection and handed him two pills and the bottle of Gatorade Gibbs had just brought to him.

Half an hour later Tony had eaten a little bit and was seconds away from snoring.  He was curled up on the bed in the guest room.  Ducky tossed another blanket over him and brushed the hair off his damp forehead.  Gibbs had stepped outside to the porch a few minutes earlier so he headed for the living room and stuck his head out the front door to check on him.  He found his friend sitting on the top step, an ever present cup of coffee sitting next to him.

“He asleep?” Gibbs asked without turning around.

“He is,” Ducky assured him as he took a seat next to Gibbs.

“You going to stay?”

“I think it would be wise.  So I take it you two have not yet had a chance to talk.”

“No Duck we didn’t.  Tony’s been miserable and I’ve been feeling a little helpless.  Besides we’re not exactly great communicators, you said that yourself.”

“True.  Hopefully the meds will kick in and he’ll feel better in the morning.  And you haven’t been helpless.  You’ve taken good care of him all evening, I’m sure.  Where did you learn the hot shower trick?”

“Kelly had croup a few times,” Gibbs said quietly, closing his eyes against duels memories of a sick child and his sick SFA camped out in the bathroom.  I suppose we should try to get some sleep too,” he said as he glanced at his watch.  It was nearing midnight and the chances that all three would sleep straight through until the morning were very slim.

After a bit of discussion, Gibbs went upstairs to his room, leaving Ducky downstairs to take the first shift sleeping within earshot of the guest room.

*******

“You said eating something would help,” Tony gasped, trying to catch his breath.  It was just after 3:00 in the morning and he was sitting cross legged on the guest room bed, head hanging over the Tupperware bowl in his lap.  He’d spent the previous 10 minutes throwing up what little he’d eaten.  Ducky was sitting next to him, one hand resting on his back, the other holding a handful of tissues.

“I think what he meant by that was throwing up something is a hell of a lot better than throwing up nothing,” Gibbs said as he stuck his head in the doorway.  “What can I get you?” he asked the room in general. 

“Ginger ale and my dignity,” Tony muttered as he took the tissues, blew his nose and tossed them in the bowl.

“You finished, Anthony?” Ducky asked.  Tony nodded and Ducky took the bowl into the bathroom.  He came back with a cool damp washcloth. “Wipe your face.  I want to check your temperature and then I’ll give you something to settle your stomach. “

Much to the relief of all three of them, Tony’s fever was down to just over 100.  He took a few tentative sips of ginger ale and then let Ducky check his lungs.  Gibbs stood silently in the corner of the room, not wanting to get in the way but also not wanting to leave.

“Breathing easier?” Ducky asked. 

“Yeah, things aren’t so tight.”

“Good,” Gibbs chimed in from his corner.

“How would you feel about a shot of Compazine to settle your stomach.  It should help you relax a little too,” Ducky offered. 

“Sounds great,” Tony said quietly.  “Let me guess, not in the arm,” he groaned.

“Nope,” Gibbs chuckled from the corner.

After giving Tony the injection Ducky tucked him back in with a kiss to the forehead.  “You need sleep too, Jethro,” he said quietly as he patted his friend on the shoulder as he left the room. 

“You going to watch me sleep, Boss?  Hasn’t there been enough fussing over me?” Tony teased as Gibbs pulled up a chair and sat down, propping his feet on the edge of the bed. 

“Deal with the fussing, DiNozzo,” Gibbs snorted.

“Whatever,” Tony muttered as he rolled over facing away from his boss.

Gibbs stayed for another 10 minutes or so, until he heard soft snores coming from his Senior Field Agent.  He got himself a drink of water, checked on Ducky and headed back upstairs.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gibbs and Tony finally talk.

Tony woke the next morning to the sound of rain against the window.  He cracked his eyes open, happy to realize he was indeed alone in Gibbs’ guest room.  Sitting up carefully he took a quick inventory of how he was feeling.  He was almost able to take a deep breath without the overwhelming urge to cough up a lung and his chest was still a bit tight.  Glancing around he found the inhaler on the nightstand so he used that and drained the bottle of water.  Headache was basically gone but that had been replaced by an overall achy feeling.  He untangled himself from the blankets and carefully swung his legs over the side of the bed, testing out his equilibrium.  Standing up slowly he found his cell phone to check the time.  It was still fairly early, a little after 7:00.   He had a string of missed texts from a few people as well as two missed calls from Abby.  Not quite ready to deal with them he clicked the screen off. He didn’t hear any sounds coming from upstairs but he could hear someone in the kitchen.  A quick stop in the bathroom and he headed to see which of his babysitters was awake.

“Good morning, Anthony,” Ducky called over his shoulder, hearing the younger man cough a little as he shuffled down the hallway.

“Morning Ducky,” Tony said quietly, trying to stifle another little cough.

 “Would you like some tea?”

“Sure,” Tony said as he folded himself into a chair with a sigh.

Ducky set down the book he had been reading and went to turn the flame back on under the tea kettle.  He handed Tony the two pill bottles and a glass of water.  Tony took the pills and grabbed a banana from the basket on the table, hoping something substantial in his stomach would help ward off the unpleasantness the pills caused him the night before.

“Well, you do look a bit better than last night.  Feeling better?” Ducky asked as he leaned against the counter with his tea.

“I think so.  Things are still a bit tight but obviously not coughing quite as much. Achy more than anything I think.”

“Good.  I’ll take a listen to things in a little bit.  Here, use this before you drink your tea,” Ducky said he handed Tony the thermometer. 

“Still 100.3,” Tony sighed as he took glance at the readout before tossing it onto the table.  He went back into the bathroom to take some Advil while Ducky poured his tea.

 

By 8:00 all three were enjoying fresh, hot pancakes made by one Leroy Jethro Gibbs.  Tony’s appetite had improved a bit under the watchful eye of both his boss and his doctor.  After breakfast Tony tried to help clean up but he was shooed away by both Gibbs and Ducky.  He took the opportunity to reply to his text messages from the previous night.  Abby called him almost as soon as he’d hit SEND on the text to her.  He talked to her for a few minutes, assuring her he was not dying.  McGee just texted back with a quick “glad you’re feeling better, let me know if you need anything”.  Simple as the text was it did bring a smile to Tony’s face.

Ducky eventually took Tony into the guest room to give him a quick once over before he headed home.  When he was done he sat next to Tony on the edge of the bed as he packed up his medical bag.

“Well my young friend, lungs sound marginally better.  Continue with the meds, keep an eye on your temperature, don’t be surprised if it goes up again this afternoon. Try to take it easy.   And you two need to talk,” Ducky said firmly.

“I know we do.  But neither of us are big talkers,” Tony muttered.

“Jethro’s most certainly not a big talker, you my friend are a big talker, you are not however, a big communicator,” Ducky said with a small smile.

“Yeah,” Tony agreed.

“Let me be on my way.  I will check in with both of you later.  And I expect to hear you’ve had a decent conversation,” Ducky said as he stood up.

“Thanks for everything Duck,” Tony said as started to stand.  Ducky waved him back down.  Tony smiled and reached out to shake his friend’s hand.

“You are more than welcome, Anthony,” he said as he leaned over and pressed a kiss to the top of Tony’s head. 

Ducky went down to the basement to say goodbye to Gibbs.  “Jethro, I’m leaving.  Anthony’s doing a bit better.  Keep an eye on his temperature, make sure he takes some meds and please talk to him.”

“I will.  Thanks for everything, Duck,” Gibbs muttered, not looking up from his work bench.

“Jethro, could you please at least look at me?” Ducky said with the exasperated tone he frequently used with his friend.

“What? I’m listening, watch his fever, medicate him and talk,” he muttered as he tossed the sander aside and took a seat on the stool for a minute to give Ducky the attention the older man more than deserved.

“You can lose the attitude, Jethro,” Ducky said with an edge to his voice that didn’t normally make an appearance but that was totally appropriate for the situation.  “I know you well enough to know that attitude comes out when you’re feeling guilty.”

“Suppose you’re right,” Gibbs muttered as he reached for a mason jar and the bottle of bourbon, which were both quickly taken out of his grasp by Ducky.

“Could you at least wait until noon, Jethro,” Ducky said with another exasperated sigh.

“Yeah,” Gibbs muttered as he pushed everything aside and turned to put his elbows on the work bench, putting his head in his hands for a minute.  Ducky stood to him and place a comforting hand on his friend’s shoulder. 

“If it helps at all, Tony’s struggling with the idea of talking as much as you are,” Ducky said as Gibbs reached up to pat his hand.

“Actually, I think that does help,” Gibbs said with a small chuckle. 

Ducky chuckled back and just like he’d done with Tony a few minutes before, he leaned over and pressed a kiss to the top of Gibbs’ head.

“Thanks, Duck.”

“You are most certainly welcome, my friend.”

As Ducky walked up the basement stairs Gibbs heard the shower start so he turned his attention back to his latest project. 

Freshly showered and feeling marginally better, Tony wandered down to the basement.  He figured trying to talk to Gibbs while the older man was engaged in some kind of activity might be easier and less awkward than the two of them sitting down at the kitchen table.  Hand tools and sawdust would provide a little barrier between them.

“Hey,” Tony said as he started down the stairs carrying a bottle of Gatorade and a handful of tissues.

“Hey, feeling better?” Gibbs asked without really glancing up from his work table.  He was busy carving something which looked way too intricate for Tony to even think about lending a hand.

“A little, I suppose,” Tony muttered as he set the Gatorade down and pulled a stool up to the table, taking a seat off to the side, away from what Gibbs was currently working on.

There was an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes, neither man quite knew how to start the conversation they needed to have.

“You plan on helping, DiNozzo?” Gibbs finally asked, really looking at Tony for the first time since he came down to the basement.  He still looked exhausted and pale, dark circles were starting to form under his eyes.  His normally perfect hair was sticking up at odd angles and he needed to shave.

“I think that’s way beyond my skill level,” Tony said, motioning towards the piece currently in front of his boss.

“I think you can sand that,” he snorted as he tossed a small sanding block towards Tony and motioned to the piece of wood in the middle of the table.  It was recognizable to Tony as a drawer front so that was a good sign.  “With the grain.”

“Got it,” Tony said.  It wasn’t like it was the first time he’d been handed a piece of sand paper in Gibbs’ basement.  It was a trade-off for the open door policy Gibbs had with his staff and friends.  If you came in the open door, you got put to work.

They worked in silence for a few minutes, both of them continuing to try and think of the best way to start a conversation in the least awkward manner possible.

Tony took a deep breath, planning on actually jumping into a conversation but the deep breath resulted in a few nasty sounding coughs.

“You sure you’re okay?” Gibbs asked as he glanced at Tony over the tops of his safety glasses.

“Actually, no I’m not okay,” Tony said softly, his attention focused on the piece of oak in front of him.  He ran the sanding block over the top edge in a steady rhythm.  He just let his comment hang there for a few seconds.

Gibbs stopped carving for a beat, a bit thrown by Tony’s comment.  “I guess we’re not talking about your cough right now, are we?”

“No, we’re not,” Tony whispered.

“Ziva?” Gibbs asked simply.

“In part.  It’s hard for me to put into words, so bear with me,” he started slowly.  Gibbs nodded his understanding.  “I didn’t think I would care this much that she left.   I know ultimately she left NCIS but sometimes it feels more like, more like…”

“More like she left you?” Gibbs guessed.

“Yeah.  Kind of ironic, that I would be hurt by her actions, given my track record with woman.  Payback for past sins maybe,” Tony muttered as he ran his thumb over the edge he’d just sanded.

“Look, I’m not the most observant guy when it comes to relationship stuff and I take pride in that, but was I oblivious to something?” Gibbs asked before leaning over and blowing a few bits of wood off the flower he was carving.  He set down his tools and picked up his now cold cup of coffee, finishing it with a large gulp.

“No, not really.  We weren’t involved while she was here.  We were friends and teammates.  The night before I left Israel, we slept together.  It was just something that happened, I certainly didn’t plan it and I don’t think she did either.  And you certainly don’t need any details.”  Gibbs agreed with a shake of his head.  “But it meant something to me,” Tony admitted as he reached for the Gatorade, suddenly feeling like his throat and lungs were filled with sawdust. 

“Guess it didn’t mean the same thing to her?” Gibbs asked as he pulled the other stool over and sat down.  When Tony began he wasn’t sure how long the conversation would last and he’d been standing through it thus far.  It seemed to actually be headed somewhere so he figured he should get a little more comfortable.

“I don’t know what it meant to her, haven’t really heard from her.  When I got back I tried to just throw myself into my work.  And I was able to do that for a while.  We were one agent down it was easy to just lose myself in my work.  No one thought twice if I stayed late or came in early, we were busy and I was trying to pick up the slack.”

“For what it’s worth, I did see that you were spending an awful lot of time in the office.  But obviously it didn’t occur to me there was an underlying reason for that,” Gibbs admitted as he swept his hand over the top of the table, making a little pile of wood shavings.  “Suppose I should have said something.  But I guess I’m just not..” Gibbs trailed off, not sure how to put things into words.  He just waved his hand around a bit, hoping Tony would understand what he couldn’t put into words.

“Not a big communicator, I get it.  Ziva was the one who tried to get me to communicate, to let people in.  And with her gone it was way too easy to just revert back to my own little world, to push away people who care.”

“You do have people who care, you know that right?” Gibbs said quietly.  “You know that I care, despite my poor attempts to show it,” he added quietly.

“I do,” Tony admitted as he turned his attention back to his sanding, applying too much pressure for Gibbs’ liking.

“Not so hard, DiNozzo,” he said, motioning towards the sanding block.

“Sorry,” Tony muttered.  He went back to sanding, the quiet of the basement broken only by his occasional coughs.

“Give me that,” Gibbs said as he held out his hand for the sanding block.  “I don’t think the sawdust you’re inhaling is helping your lungs at all.”

“Probably not,” Tony agreed.  He stood up and walked around the basement for a minute, drinking a little Gatorade and considering what direction he wanted the conversation to take next.

“Ziva can’t be the whole reason,” Gibbs said, taking a little control of the conversation.

“Whole reason for what?” Tony asked, really curious to hear what Gibbs had to say. 

“For you having your head up your ass, DiNozzo,” Gibbs snorted, softening his words a bit with a chuckle.  Still his words caught Tony off guard and he visibly recoiled a little, moving back to sit on the lower landing of the staircase.  Gibbs went back to his carving, giving Tony a little space.

“It’s more complicated than just being upset at her leaving.  I don’t even know if I have the right to feel the way I do feel.  I can barely explain my feelings to myself, let alone try to explain them someone like you.”

“Someone like me?” Gibbs said, trying his best to look wounded as he gave an ineffective glare over the top of his safety glasses.

“Yeah, functionally mute, emotionally constipated,” Tony teased.

“Touché,” Gibbs agreed.

“I’m just unsure of so many things right now.  Where do I belong?  I mean, I love my work, I love my co-workers, but is that enough? I have Senior, which is something I didn’t have a few years ago, so that’s good.  But what else is there for me at the moment? I mean, I’m well into my forties, I don’t really think I see children in my future.  Not even sure I see marriage in my future.”

“Well, I’m certainly not going to try to talk you into marriage. So basically you’re feeling a little lost?” Gibbs guessed as he set aside his carving tools and slid his safety glasses to the top of his head.  He made random patterns in the sawdust with his index finger as he looked up at Tony.

“A lot lost actually.  Ducky suggested a hobby or new friends or something like that.  Basically said I need to expand my view of the world beyond the Navy Yard. I suppose that’s a good idea.  At the very least it couldn’t hurt,” Tony muttered with a shrug of his shoulders.

“He’s said same thing to me many, many times over the years,” Gibbs said with a laugh.  “Maybe one of these times I’ll actually listen to him.  Is there anything you need from me?” Gibbs asked, cringing at how awkward it felt to ask that.

Tony took a minute to think about his answer, instead of just saying “no”.  “I don’t want you to look at me any differently than you did before we had this conversation.  Kick my ass when it’s called for, don’t coddle me.”

“That I can do,” Gibbs said with a wry smile.

 “But I just don’t want things to swing the other way either,” Tony said carefully as he leaned over, head in his hands.

“Meaning what?” Gibbs asked curiously.

“Being harder on me, just because.”

“What the hell are you talking about, DiNozzo?” Gibbs spit out, knowing exactly what Tony was talking about but wanting to hear how the younger man would phrase his feelings.

“Seriously?  You’ve always been harder on me than any other agent,” Tony spit out as he stood up quickly.  That was not the best idea and his vision dimmed just a bit as he grabbed the railing to steady himself.  Gibbs took half a step towards him but one little glance from Tony and he backed up, respecting the personal space of his SFA.

“That treatment comes with the Senior Field Agent title,” Gibbs retorted.

Tony just gave a little glare.  The conversation had taken a decidedly downward turned in the span of a minute.  He was desperate to get things back to a civil tone.  He took a gulp of Gatorade, stalling for a minute while he got his thoughts together.  As he wasn’t sure how long he was going to remain upright, he sat back down on the landing with a sigh.

Gibbs paced around the basement for a minute.  He started to pour himself a mason jar of bourbon, but he glanced at his watch, it still wasn’t quite noon.  And the little voice in his head stopped him from doing so, the voice which sounded suspiciously like a certain Scotsman.

He sat down on one of the stools, making sure not to face Tony.

“Yes, I am harder on you than the other agents.  But I do it to push you, to help you be a better agent, a better man.  You’ve always had so much potential and I want to see you live up to it.  You’ve grown up so much in the last 10 years or so.  Honestly, there were times I felt like I was raising a child.”

“I know,” Tony said quietly.  “And I’m sorry for many, many things over the years.  Too many to name here and now,” he teased.

Gibbs just chuckled as he muttered “screw it” under his breath and poured himself a few fingers worth of bourbon.  He pointed to the bottle and glanced at Tony who just shook his head at the offer.

 “So now what?” Gibbs asked, really unsure of where the conversation was heading, if anywhere.

“Basically, I needed you to be aware of what’s been going on with me.  And when I figure out what I’m going to do about it, you’ll be one of the first to know.  I promise if I need something I’ll ask.  Neither of us are mind readers and we need to remember that.  I need to get my head on straight and I don’t know how to do that.”

“Do you want some time off?” Gibbs asked.

“No, I think downtime is the last thing I need right now.”

“Do you need to talk with someone?  You’re a federal employee, you have decent health insurance,” Gibbs teased.  “You could talk to a shrink or a therapist.”

“I don’t know.  I feel confident that if I really need to do that and I don’t recognize that need myself, Ducky will point it out to me.”

“I will too.  I wouldn’t recognize if I needed it myself, but I can keep an eye on you,” Gibbs replied with a small smile.

“Thanks.  I suppose I should take all the help that people are willing to give me,” Tony muttered as he stood up.  He coughed a few times before pulling a cough drop out of the pocket of his sweatshirt.  He popped it into his mouth then rolled up the paper wrapper between his thumb and forefinger.  He tossed the paper in the trashcan in the corner which was, as always, almost overflowing with take out cups, wrappers and bags.

“Okay, I think you’ve inhaled enough sawdust for one day,” Gibbs announced as he drained the mason jar in a large gulp.  He picked up his empty coffee mug and pulled the safety glasses off his head, tossing them on the workbench.  After wiping his hand on his jeans he held it out to pull Tony to his feet so they could get out of the sawdust filled basement. Tony took a few seconds to get his bearings before trudging slowly up the stairs, leaning heavily on the bannister.

Once they made it to the kitchen Gibbs gave Tony a little shove in the direction of the living room couch, feeling he was not going to remain upright much longer.  He grabbed another bottle of Gatorade and handed it to Tony before sitting down on the coffee table in front of him.

Tony was clearly trying to get comfortable, sitting up, leaning back.  It was as if he just had too much energy in his body, like the fidgety little boy Gibbs had always imagined he was.

“I don’t suppose a head slap is going to get you to sit still,” Gibbs teased with concern clearly coming through in his voice. 

“Probably not,” Tony muttered as he once again sat up straight, visibly trying to take a deep breath without dissolving into a coughing fit.

“Do you want to use the inhaler?” Gibbs asked.

Tony glanced at the time on his cell.  “Yeah, things are a bit tight at the moment,” he admitted.  “It’s on the nightstand.”

Gibbs got him the inhaler, popping the top off himself as Tony’s hands were a bit shaky.  Tony sat for all of 30 seconds before popping back up, pacing around the living room.  Gibbs let him be when he seemed steady enough to be up and around. 

“Hungry?” Gibbs asked as he headed for the kitchen.

“Maybe, not sure,” Tony muttered, pretty much the same answer he’d given about food since they arrived at Gibbs’ house 20 hours earlier.

“Well, I’m going to make grilled cheese, I’ll make you one and you can try to eat a little,” Gibbs said, not really pushing the issue of food.  Tony had had enough to drink that dehydration was not looming concern.

Gibb’s cell rang, it was Ducky.

“Yeah Gibbs,” he said is the same clipped manner he always used when answering the phone even when he knew was on the other end of the line.

“Jethro, how’s our boy?” the Scotsman asked, clearly concerned for his patient.

“I don’t know.  A bit hyper at the moment.”

“That’s the steroids kicking in.”

“Great, tell me that’s not going to last long,” Gibbs muttered as he pulled the cheese and butter out of the fridge.

“Well, let’s see, he’s on a one week tapering dose,”

“A week,” Gibbs groaned.

“My apologies Jethro but I thought helping the poor boy breathe was a good idea,” Ducky said dryly.

“Yeah.  Still doesn’t look good.  You saw him up and about this morning.  Showered and came down to the basement for a while.  We eventually realized inhaling sawdust probably wasn’t the best thing for his lungs. So we just came back up.  Doesn’t see interested in lunch, but he did finish another bottle of Gatorade.”

“That’s good.  Anything else?  Anything not related to his physical condition,” Ducky hinted with exasperation clearly coming through the phone.

“Yes, Ducky we talked.”

“And?”

“And I think we both have a somewhat better understanding of each other.  I obviously didn’t realize how much he’s struggling right now.  It’s hard to imagine what he’s going through, since he’s having trouble understanding it himself.  But we did try to work through some of it.”

“Excellent.”

“He called me functionally mute and emotionally constipated by the way,” Gibbs snorted.

“And you don’t agree with that assessment, Jethro?” Ducky chuckled.

“I didn’t say that,” Gibbs admitted as he set the frying pan on the burner.

“What’s he doing now?”

“Coughing and pacing around aimlessly.”

“Fever?”

“Haven’t checked since last time you stuck the thermometer in his mouth this morning.  Hold on,” Gibbs said as he covered the phone with his hand before yelling. “DINOZZO!”

“Yeah Boss,” Tony answered as he came down the hall. 

“Ducky’s on the phone, come here.” Tony came in the kitchen thinking Ducky wanted to talk to him.  But instead of Gibbs handing him the phone Gibbs pressed a hand to his forehead, much to the amusement of Tony.  “Yeah, that’s not working,” Gibbs muttered as he found the thermometer under the morning paper on the counter.  Tony stuck it under his tongue while Gibbs and Ducky made small talk.

“Back up to 101.1,” Gibbs said as he squinted at the readout, not bothering to find his glasses.

“I told you that’s to be expected.  Put him on for a minute.”

“Here, he wants to talk to you,” Gibbs said, handing the phone to Tony who wandered into the living room to talk while Gibbs made lunch.

To nobody’s surprise Tony just picked at his sandwich, ending up eating a little less than half of it.

“So are you going to hold me hostage for the rest of the weekend?” Tony teased as he leaned back in the chair and stretched his arms over his head, trying to work out some of the general achiness he still felt.

“You haven’t been kidnapped DiNozzo, you’re free to leave.  If you feel comfortable being alone,” he added with eye brows raised and just the hint of a smirk on his face.

Tony did think about it for a minute and realized he didn’t really want to be alone and probably shouldn’t be.  “I’ll hang out here, if that’s okay,” Tony eventually whispered.

“Not a problem,” Gibbs said sincerely.

After lunch Tony took some more Advil and paced around the house.  Gibbs was about to go back to the basement to escape the pacing, sighing and the more than occasional coughing fit.  He had just finished slipping his boots back on to go down when his cell rang.  He picked it up with a groan after glancing at Caller ID. Tony heard him talking on the phone, figuring out quickly it was Fornell and that the FBI agent had managed to get himself into one kind of jam or another, as he was known to do on a fairly regular basis.

Gibbs muttered a few choices words under his breath and slipped his work boots back off.

“What the hell did he get himself into now?” Tony asked as he came into the kitchen.

“Ten minutes of explanation and damned if I know,” Gibbs muttered as he ran a hand through his hair.  “I gotta go out for a little while.  You okay by yourself?”

His answer came in the form of a huge eyeroll and a glare from Tony.  Gibbs just held his hands up in the universally accepted “sorry I asked” gesture.  He went upstairs to change out of his sawdust covered clothes.  He came back down a few minutes later to grab his badge and weapon out of the locked box on the living room bookcase.

“Call if you need anything,” he yelled over his shoulder as he headed out the front door.

“You got it Boss,” Tony yelled back.

Half an hour later, Tony realized he didn’t exactly feel comfortable being alone.  He’d dealt with enough panic and anxiety attacks over the years to know that’s exactly where things were going to end up if he didn’t do something to head it off.  The rain had stopped and the sun was peeking out from the clouds.  He slipped his sneakers on and headed out for a walk, hoping the fresh air and some calming music through the earbuds would help a bit.

Twenty minutes in to his walk he called Abby to see what she was up to.  Turned out she was completely free for the afternoon and was happy to come over and hang out with him.  She promised a chocolate milkshake from Beltway Burger and some cookies she’d baked the night before.  He turned around and headed back to the house to wait for Abby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to be honest, writing their conversation was much more difficult than I thought it would be. I wanted so much to keep things in character for both of them. Hope I was able to do that.


	4. Chapter 4

Tony kicked his sneakers off and curled up on the couch suddenly feeling rather tired.  He pulled the blanket over him and turned on the television.  Not exactly having a whole lot of options given the lack of cable he just settled on a college football game with the sound turned down.

He was half asleep when he heard the front door open.

“Tony, Tony, Tony,” Abby whispered as she shut the front door behind her. 

“Couch,” he called out as much as his dry throat would allow.

Abby hung up her coat and came into the living room.  She put the shakes, chocolate for him and strawberry for her, on the coffee table and knelt in front of the couch.

“Hey,” he whispered as he smiled at his good friend.  Dressed in her weekend outfit of a flannel shirt and dark jeans she still wore heavy boots but without heels. Makeup was a little more subtle than she wore at work.

“Oh, my poor, sweet Tony,” she said as she brushed back his hair and kissed his forehead.  “Wow, you’re warm.  How are you feeling?  Can I get you anything? Did you eat anything?”

“Abby, slow down with the questions.  I feel like crap, I ate half a grilled cheese and I’d love a bottle of water.  And then the chocolate shake,” he said with a forced grin.

Abby got a bottle of water from the fridge and came back out to the living room.  Tony had curled up enough so that she had room on the couch.  She handed him the water and tore the paper off the straws for the shakes.

“How’s Gibbs as a babysitter?” she asked with a laugh.

“Oh, not just him, Ducky ended up coming over late last night and staying too.  We even had a 3:00 AM party in the guest room with me puking into a Tupperware bowl,” Tony groaned.

“Ouch,” Abby said, cringing just a bit. 

“Yeah.  And as if that wasn’t humiliating enough, Gibbs sat next to the bed until I fell asleep,” Tony muttered.

“Ah, that’s sweet.  I knew he had it in him to be sweet,” Abby said with a smile.

“I suppose,” Tony grudgingly agreed.  He finished most of the water and started on the milkshake, the ice cream feeling nice on his throat.

“So what else did you three do, besides hang out in the guest room?” Abby teased as she leaned over to untie her black combat boots and kick them off.

“Not much.  Gibbs did make pancakes for breakfast.  Ducky didn’t stick around long after that.  Boss and I spent a little time in the basement.  Eventually we figured out sawdust probably wasn’t the best thing for me to be breathing in.”

“So, you did what in the basement?” Abby asked.

“Sanded things and you know, we talked, sort of,” Tony said quietly.

“Good,” Abby said softly as she stole half the blanket and curled up next to Tony, head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Abby,” he whispered as he pressed a kiss to the top of her dark hair.

“For what?”

“Pushing you away, not talking to you.  I thought I could do it all on my own.”

“How’s that working out?” she teased as she wrapped her arm around his waist, snuggling into his embrace.

“Shut up,” Tony muttered.  “I miss her,” he said quietly a minute later.

“I know, we all do,” Abby whispered back.

“I didn’t think it would bother me so much, that it would hurt so much.”

“Why would you think that?  You two were close and if I had to guess, really, really close at some point,” Abby said as she gave a little tug on the string to Tony’s NCIS hoodie.

“And your guess would be correct.  For the record, one time.  Night before I left Israel and I don’t really want to discuss particulars,” Tony said as he squirmed out of Abby’s embrace a little to sit up a bit.  She misinterpreted his moving and backed up quickly to the other side of the couch.  “Abby, I just sat up to breathe a little easier, you don’t have to move to the other end of the couch,” he explained as he held his hand out to her.  She scooted back over, ending up halfway behind him with her chin on his shoulder.  “Uh, Abby can you lose the studded choker, it’s digging into my shoulder,” he said with a laugh.  She sat up and turned so he could undo the snap.  He tossed the choker on the coffee table as he reached for his shake.

“Is it just Ziva?” she asked as she rubbed his back for a minute.

“No, it’s not, but I’m really having trouble figuring out what it is for myself, let alone try to explain it to someone else.  It’s feeling lost and alone.  And yes, I know I’m not truly alone.  I have friends who love me and have my six.”

“But it’s not the same as having that one special person in your life, is it?” Abby guessed.

“It’s not.  But I’m not sure that’s what I really want at the moment either,” Tony sighed as he tried to take a deep breath but ending up coughing harshly.  He glanced around for the tissues, remembering he left them on the kitchen table.  He propelled himself to his feet to grab them, crossing the room on unsteady legs.  He wiped his mouth and blew his nose.  Abby stayed where she was, watching him carefully.  He looked so pale, worn out and lost.  Her heart broke for him.  She was truly at a loss as to how to help him.

“I’ll be right out,” Tony said as he shuffled down the hall to the bathroom.

He used the bathroom and the inhaler before wandering back into the living room.  Abby was on the couch under the blanket, doing her best to curl up into a little ball.  Tony grabbed his backpack from where it was sitting on the chair.  He set it on the coffee table and pulled out a worn brown leather  notebook, something he always carried around.  It was filled with notes on cases, things he wanted to remember, random sketches, memorable movie quotes, whatever came to him.  He flipped it open to find the picture he’d stuck in there, one he’d been carrying around for the past few months.  It was slightly dorky selfie he’d taken of himself and Ziva the day before he flew home.  She thought the idea of a selfie was ridiculous but she did it for him.

He sat down on the couch and handed the picture to Abby.  She took it and smiled sadly.  He leaned over with his elbows on his knees, heels of his hands pressed tightly against his eyes, trying in vain to stop the tears which he’d been holding in for way too long.  He knew both Gibbs and Ducky cared about him and would understand if he fell apart in front of them, but he didn’t relish the thought.  Things were different with Abby.  Truth was, most of it had to do with the fact she was a girl.  Plus, he’d also held her plenty of times when she cried.

“Oh Tony, just let it go,” she whispered as she set the picture down and scooted to the corner of the couch, pulling him back into her arms.

Tony did make a small attempt to control things but quickly realized that was going to be fruitless.  Abby held him and rubbed his back while he sobbed.  She didn’t even try to say anything.  She didn’t know what to say, and truth was she was in tears also.  Eventually Tony’s sobs slowed down to an occasional hiccup.  He sat up enough to blow his nose and take a sip of his shake.  Grabbing a throw pillow he set it in Abby’s lap and curled up.  She tossed the blanket over him and ran her fingers through his hair until he finally closed his eyes and let sleep come over him.  She tried to stay awake until Gibbs got home but she eventually closed her eyes and nodded off.

*****

At 4:30 Gibbs pulled up to his house, smiling at Abby’s monstrosity of a vehicle parked in his driveway. He turned the car off, popped the trunk open and grabbed the 3 bags of groceries he’d picked up on the way home.  He couldn’t speak for Tony’s preferences, but he was in need of a nice home cooked meal.  They were also running low on Gatorade and ginger ale, both of which proved to be vital commodities over the past 24 hours.

As he climbed the front steps he could see Abby’s dark pigtails through the window as she sat on the couch, but he didn’t see Tony.  He opened the door quietly in case Tony was asleep.

Turned out they were both asleep.  Tony was curled up with his head in Abby’s lap; she was wedged in the corner of the couch, one hand on his chest the other resting on his hair.  Both had clearly been crying; faint tear tracks could be seen on Tony’s cheeks and large mascara streaks on Abby’s.  The sight of the two of them struck Gibbs in a way he didn’t expect.  He quickly headed for the kitchen to put the bags down and take a few deep breaths himself.  Given the circumstance he felt Bourbon was in order so he poured himself a glass before he put the groceries away and started the chili for dinner.  The meat and onions were just about done browning when some movement from the couch caught his eye.

“Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs,” he heard Abby whisper from the couch.

He quickly wiped his hands on a towel and went back to the living room.

“Hey, Abs,” he said softly as he leaned over and kissed her cheek.  His action started her tears all over again.  He sat on the coffee table and handed her a few tissues as he reached out to run his hand through Tony’s out of control hair before pressing it against his forehead to check his temperature.  Not surprising, he was very warm. 

“I gotta get up,” Abby said as she motioned towards Tony who hadn’t so much as moved since Gibbs had come home.

Gibbs leaned forward and held on to Tony’s head and shoulders a little so Abby could scoot off the couch.  Tony muttered a little in his sleep and coughed a few times but never fully woke up.  Gibbs set the blanket back over him and placed a hand on his chest to settle him down.  He could feel the rattling in his chest as Tony breathed.  Abby paced around, waving her arms a bit as she was known to do when she was either excited or frustrated.  When he was sure Tony was settled he stood up and held his hand out to Abby.  She flew across the room and into his embrace.  Luckily, he had widened his stance a little, otherwise the two of them may very well have ended up on the floor. 

“Aww, Abs, I know, believe me, I know just how you feel,” he whispered against her dark hair as he rubbed her back.

“Helpless, that’s how I feel,” she sobbed against his shoulder.

“Me too, Abs, me too,” he agreed.  She loosened her grip on him and took a step back.  Without her platform shoes on they didn’t quite see eye to eye.  Gibbs leaned over just a little and softly kissed her forehead.  “How about you go wash your face a little? If DiNozzo wakes up and sees you now you’re going to scare him,” he teased.

“Good idea,” Abby agreed as she pressed a kiss to Gibbs’ cheek before heading down the hall.

Gibbs went back to the kitchen to his drink and the chili on the stove.  Abby came down the hall a few minutes later, face scrubbed clean of makeup she looked very young and just plain sad.

“Beer or Bourbon?” Gibbs asked over his shoulder.

“Bourbon,” she muttered as she crossed the room and took the glass out of his hand, taking a large mouthful.

“You know, I do have other glasses, Abs,” he teased with a wink.  She got a glass out of the cabinet and poured herself some Bourbon and a splash of ginger ale from the fridge.  She hopped up to sit on the counter with her drink.  “And, I also have chairs,” he smirked.

He handed Abby the can opener and some cans of beans for her to open.

“Did you two talk?”

“Talk, yes, a little. Communicate, not so much,” she said sadly as she handed the first of the opened cans to Gibbs.

“Yeah and as Ducky keeps telling me, talking and communicating are apparently two different things,” he snorted as he dumped the beans into the pot

“Yeah Boss, they are.”

She opened the rest of the cans and reached over her shoulder to grab some spices out of the cabinet.  With the chili simmering, Gibbs poured himself another drink and took a mixing bowl out of the cabinet next to the stove.  He hunted around the room for his reading glasses, finding them under the morning paper on the table.  “Hey Abs, how about you slide down from there and grab me some milk and 2 eggs,” he said, reading the box of corn muffin mix.

“Yes, Boss,” she said with a mock salute.

Gibbs’ phone rang and she grabbed it off the counter.

“It’s Ducky,” she said as she handed it to him.

“Gibbs,” he muttered out of habit.

“How are things going, Jethro?”

“Tony’s asleep, has been for about…..” Gibbs trailed off to look at Abby.  She quickly signed an answer to him. “Two hours.  Looks horrible, pretty warm but I didn’t want to wake him to check his temperature.  I’m in the kitchen, he’s on the couch and I can hear his breathing from here.  I can offer you chili for dinner if you want to come over,” Gibbs said, hoping his friend would take him up on the offer.

“That sounds like an excellent offer.  I will supply the dessert.  I’ll be will there in under an hour.”

“Sounds good, thanks,” Gibbs said as he snapped the phone shut.

He mixed up the corn muffins and slid the pan into the oven as Tony was starting to stir.  He let Abby go check on him, figuring both of them hovering and bombarding him with questions about how he was feeling would probably be a bit much. 

“Hey,” she whispered as she sat down next to him on the couch.  Tony looked around a bit, clearly having trouble getting a handle on time and space. 

“What time is it?” he asked, realizing he wasn’t wearing his watch.

“5:15, you’ve been out for about 2 hours.  Gibbs is back, making chili for dinner, Ducky’s coming over,” Abby said, giving him an update in an overly cheery tone.

“Great, more poking and prodding,” Tony muttered as he ran a hand over his face, encountering two days’ worth of stubble.  He wrapped his arms around himself, shivering a little.  Abby pressed her lips to his forehead.

“Okay, how about we check your temperature and then get you something to drink?” she suggested.

Tony nodded in agreement. “But first, nature calls,” he muttered and pushed the blanket off, contemplating the odds that he’d be able to push himself up to standing without any issues.  Abby looked at him warily but held out her hand to him, pulling him gently to his feet.  Gibbs watched from the kitchen, just in case some help was needed.  When Tony proved he could indeed walk a reasonably straight line towards the bathroom Gibbs turned his attention back to the chili.

After using the bathroom and splashing some cool water on his face, Tony dropped into a kitchen chair with a sigh.  Abby handed him the thermometer and a minute later they got a reading of 102.1.  Tony drank some Gatorade and the three of them made some awkward small talk.  Eventually Gibbs went into the living room to start a fire in the fireplace.  Tony’s text alert chimed and he went to grab his phone off the coffee table.  It was McGee, just checking in.  Tony texted back an honest update, which got him a reply of some sad face and puking emojis from McGee, which did bring a little smile to his face.

Ducky arrived bearing ice cream and his medical bag.  He put the dessert in the freezer and happily accepted the beer Gibbs held out to him.

“You want to do this now or later, Anthony?” he asked Tony who had just wandered into the kitchen. As he got a good look at the younger man, he was sorry he’d given him the option of “now” or “later”.

“Now,” Tony answered quietly.

“We shall return,” Ducky announced as he and Tony went down the hall to the guest room. 

Tony took a seat on the edge of the bed and unzipped his hoodie to slip it off.  Ducky’s tongue clucking started before he even started to examine his patient.  That did not bode well for Tony.  He took out the thermometer and Tony just raised a hand to stop him.

“102.1 a little while ago.  Took Advil about noon,” he said quietly.

“Alright, you may take more in a minute,” Ducky said glancing at his watch. “You my friend, look absolutely miserable.  How’s your breathing?”

“Tight and really congested,” Tony admitted.

“I can hear that without the stethoscope,” Ducky said as he took a seat next to Tony.  He listened to his heart and lungs for a long time, clearly not happy with what he was hearing.  “Okay Anthony, we are at the point where we need to make a few decisions.  I would really like to get a chest x-ray, make sure this isn’t heading for pneumonia.”

“We can go do that in Autopsy tomorrow,” Tony said, hoping that solution would satisfy the good doctor, but not holding out any great hope that it would.

“True, we can. But as I said yesterday, a pulse ox reading would be preferable too.  And at this point a nebulizer treatment or two might go a long way in making you feel more comfortable,” Ducky explained trying his best not to agitate Tony, knowing his feelings about hospitals in general.

“Nebulizer’s at home.  Haven’t used it in a few months but I have everything.”

“You’re going to do everything in your power to avoid the ER aren’t you my boy?” Ducky smirked.

“That’s my plan,” Tony smirked.  “Don’t suppose you’ll just let me go home and use the nebulizer?”

“Not a chance.  We’ll send someone to grab it after dinner.”

“I’m not really hungry,” Tony admitted.  Truthfully, he loved Gibbs’ chili and even that didn’t sound appetizing to him at the moment.

“I know, sit with us and have something to drink,” Ducky said as he stood up and helped Tony to his feet.  “And we’re doing the x-ray tomorrow, Anthony,” Ducky declared in a tone that left no room for arguing.

 

Dinner was surprisingly pleasant, considering the circumstances.  Tony ate a corn muffin and drank a can of ginger ale.  The other three ate most of the pot of chili and all but one of the muffins.  Abby volunteered to drive over to Tony’s place to get the nebulizer and a few other things he wanted.  She called to chat with McGee on the way, bringing him up to date with everything.  He offered to stop by but she assured him they would be fine.  She was busy on Sunday so he offered to come over and sit with Tony if needed.  An offer she chose to keep to herself for the time being.

 

*****

By 10:00 Tony was all but asleep after managing to shower, shave, use the nebulizer and eat a bowl of ice cream.  He was stretched out on the couch while Gibbs and Abby chatted at the kitchen table.  After much discussion and another quick “once over” Ducky had gone home for the night.  But not after telling Tony he would meet him in Autopsy at 10:00 the next morning with a warning that if the x-ray looked at all suspicious he was taking him to Bethesda, even if he had to drag him by the ear.  Tony crossed his heart and agreed.

“You sure you two will be okay tonight?” Abby asked Gibbs as she dried the last bowl and put it in the cabinet.

“We’ll be fine Abs.  Going to knock him out with codeine and hope for the best.  One of us will call you tomorrow and let you know how he’s doing,” Gibbs answered as he took the towel from her and hung it over the oven handle.  He flicked off the light and ran upstairs to change while Abby said goodnight to Tony.

“You sure you’ll be okay with Gibbs?” Abby teased as she sat down on the couch to pull her boots back on.

“We’ll be fine, which by the way, is what he just told you too,” Tony replied with a smirk.

“I know.  I just want all my boys to get along,” she said with a grin.  “Call me if you need anything.  Even if it’s to chat in the middle of the night if you can’t sleep.  I mean it,” she said as she handed her choker to Tony so he could put it back around her neck.

“Thanks.  For everything, coming over, listening to me ramble, letting me cry, not making fun of me and for being my friend when I don’t always deserve it,” he said sincerely as he wrapped her up in a hug that left both of them a little teary.  “Love you,” he whispered.

“Love you too,” Abby said as she gave him one last squeeze and kissed his freshly shaved cheek.

She grabbed her bag and Gibbs walked her out to her car.

“Thanks for coming over Abs,” he said as she opened her car door for her.  “It meant a lot to him and to me.”  Gibbs pressed a quick kiss to her cheek and wiped away the lone little tear threatening to fall from her eye.

“Anything for my boys,” she said as she kissed his cheek and slid into the car.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gibbs and Tony decide they're not quite done talking for the day.

Gibbs went back in the house, figuring Tony would be asleep on the couch.  To his surprise his agent was far from asleep, instead he was wandering aimlessly, circling from the kitchen, down the hall and back to the living room again.   Gibbs decided to just let him be for a while, figuring he needed to expel some steroid induced jitters.  He stood in front of the fire for a few minutes, warming up as he’d walked Abby out to her car basically in his pajamas without a coat on.  Tony eventually wandered back down the hall towards the guest room. 

Gibbs stoked the fire and turned to go upstairs.  “Yell if you need anything,” he called over his shoulder.  Tony didn’t even bother giving a reply, he just gave an eye roll which was not seen but certainly felt by his boss.

Gibbs came back down to find Tony in the kitchen eating the cookies Abby had brought over.

“You want some real food, DiNozzo?” Gibbs asked as he leaned against the counter.

“Nah, this is fine.  Just wanted to eat something before I took my pills.  Hoping to not have a repeat of last night,” he groaned.

“That would be preferable,” Gibbs snorted as he grabbed a bottle of water.  “How about tea?” he offered as he motioned towards the stove.

“Sure,” Tony answered, figuring Gibbs would just keep offering food and drink until he accepted something.

They sat in front of the fire with their tea, Tony in the overstuffed chair, Gibbs on the couch with his feet on the coffee table.  The only sounds breaking the silence were Tony’s occasional coughs and the crackling of the fire.  Gibbs was engrossed in his book and Tony was trying to read but a lingering headache and the lack of decent lighting by his chair made that virtually impossible.  He tossed the book on the coffee table and curled up in the chair, pulling the blanket over him.  Gibbs took a quick look at Tony over the tops of his reading glasses.  He caught his agent’s gaze for a split second before Tony looked away.  Gibbs smiled a little to himself and turned his attention back to his book.

Tony turned in the chair, throwing his long legs over one arm.  He pulled the blanket off the back of the chair and curled up under it.

“It’s late, why don’t you just go to bed?” Gibbs asked.  “You can’t be comfortable like that.”

“Fire’s kind of nice and honestly, it’s little easier to breathe sitting up,” Tony admitted.

“Okay,” Gibbs replied with a shrug of his shoulders as he tried to turn his attention back to his book.  He eventually tossed it, and his glasses on the coffee table.  Picking up his mug to finish his now cold tea, he took a deep breath and just threw out a question, one he was always curious about.  “Why did you turn it down?”

“Huh?” Tony muttered as he glanced at his boss.  He wasn’t even sure he’d actually heard Gibbs ask him anything, he had been on the verge of nodding off and wasn’t quite fully aware of time and space.

“Spain?”

One single word and Tony was wide awake.  He wiped a hand over his face and turned a little in the chair to face Gibbs, thankful for the dimly lit room.

“Honestly, there were a few reasons.  I wasn’t sure I wanted to move an ocean away. Part of me didn’t think I was ready for my own team.  I didn’t want to leave my team here.  I don’t think I’d ever find another team like this one.”

“You didn’t think you were ready?” Gibbs asked, getting stuck on that part of Tony’s explanation.

“No, I didn’t,” he admitted softly.

“You were the only one who felt that way.  You wouldn’t have been offered the team if we didn’t think you were ready.”

“I know.”

“But you still didn’t believe it?” Gibbs asked.  Tony just shook his head a little.  He so did not want to have this conversation.  It was one he’d managed to avoid for 9 years. Gibbs just gave him an odd look as he stretched out the length of the couch, clearly getting comfortable for a long conversation, not to go to sleep.  “Did you stay for me?” Gibbs asked.  “Because of me?” he asked quietly.

Tony took a slow deep breath, trying his best not to end up coughing.  It also gave him a few seconds to formulate an answer.  “Yeah, that was part of it.  When I was offered the team you were still recovering from the blast.  You hadn’t completely regained your memory.  I didn’t feel I could leave.  I’d covered for you while you were gone and I did a damn good job.  But knowing my days in charge were numbered, it was easier.”

“It was never a guarantee I would come back,” Gibbs pointed out as he scooted up to rest his head against the arm of the couch, so he could look at Tony.

“The only way you weren’t coming back was if you were dead, Boss,” Tony snorted.

Gibbs chuckled a little.  “So you did a good job while I was gone. And I thank you for that. What would have been different about your own team?”  His answer came in the fully expected form of a shrug of Tony’s shoulders under the blanket.  “I’m going to say something and if I’m completely wrong tell me to shut up,” Gibbs started carefully as he sat up and leaned over, elbows on his knees.  Like Tony had a few moments earlier he took a deep breath before speaking.

“Gibbs, spit it out,” Tony snorted.

“Okay. For all the arrogance and cockiness you show on a regular basis, that’s really not who you are deep down, is it?”

Tony just stared at his boss for a bit.  “You been watching Dr. Phil, Boss?” Tony asked.  The statement had genuinely taken him by surprise and he wasn’t really sure how to respond. Gibbs just gave him a pointed look, letting him know he fully expected an honest reply.  “No, it’s not really who I am.  It’s what I hide behind.  It’s a product of my upbringing, acting out in order to get the attention of those around me.  I’m not nearly as sure of my self as I sometimes come across.  And that lack of self confidence, of lack of belief in myself ultimately led to my decision to turn down the team in Spain.”

“Sorry, I don’t buy it.  For the love of God, DiNozzo, how can you not know how talented you are?” Gibbs asked, a little harsher than he had intended.  Tony visibly shrunk back a bit into the corner of the chair.  “Sorry,” Gibbs muttered under his breath, breaking one of his long-standing rules. He looked at Tony and instantly felt maybe he’d pushed his agent a little too hard.  On any given day his words probably wouldn’t have had the same effect on Tony but given his currently emotional and physical state they stung more than Gibb’s had thought they would.

Tony pushed back the blanket, swinging his feet to the floor.  Gibbs started to speak but the younger made waved him off.  Propelling himself to his feet, Tony ran a hand through his hair, which hadn’t been combed after his shower, leaving it sticking up in ways that seem to defy gravity. He picked up the tea mugs and took them into the kitchen.  He found the inhaler on the counter and used it.  Feeling a little anxious and shaky, he stuck his head out the back door for a breath a fresh air, which given the air was rather cold, ended in a coughing fit which annoyed him as he knew his painful coughs would lead to Gibbs coming to check on him.

And he was right.

“You okay?” Gibbs asked, leaned in the to the kitchen.

“Yeah,” Tony replied over his shoulder.  He pushed himself up to sit on the counter.

Gibbs smirked a little at his action.  “What is it with my team and sitting on the counter, I have damn fine chairs,” he muttered.

“Habit I’ve had since I’ve been tall enough to hop up,” Tony said with a chuckle.  “To answer your question, in my heart I know I’m good at what I do, that I’ve worked hard for all I’ve achieved. But there’s a part of me that feels…feels almost like a fraud.  Like it’s been pure luck, not hard work and talent as you put it.”

“I call that bull,” Gibbs said simply.

“Actually, there is another term for it,” Tony said, about to voice aloud for the first time what he’d read about for years.  “It’s called Impostor Syndrome.  When someone doubts their accomplishments and feels they will one day be exposed as a “fraud”.  People don’t feel like they deserve all they have achieved.”  Tony stopped and looked at Gibbs who had taken over the pacing.  His boss was quietly trying to take in all that he’d just spit out.  Giving him space, Tony sat with his feet swinging in front of him, hands braced on the edge of the counter, head hanging down.

Gibbs eventually stopped his pacing and grabbed two bottles of water out of the fridge, tossing one to Tony.  “I suppose maybe it does make a bit of sense,” he grudgingly admitted.  “Have you ever talked to anyone about it?”

“I’ve never said those words aloud,” Tony whispered.  “Almost brought it up with Ducky and Abby a few times, but I always chickened out.”

“Thank you, for sharing it with me,” Gibbs muttered in a tone that was uncharacteristically soft and caring.  Tony just nodded as he yawned.  “I’ll have to read up on it.”

Tony leaned over to check the time on the oven.  It was nearly midnight.  He was tired but unsure he’d be able to sleep.

Gibbs was sure he had more questions, comments, whatever.  But at midnight he knew they both needed to get some sleep.  “How about you drug yourself with a little codeine and try to get some sleep,” Gibbs suggested as he pointed to the amber bottle of cough syrup on the counter next to the fridge.  Tony nodded and Gibbs handed him a spoon out of the drawer.

Tony slid off the counter, grabbed his bottle of water.  He gave Gibbs a tired smile before heading down the hall.

“Night, Boss,” he called over his shoulder.

“Sleep well, yell if you need anything,” Gibbs called back.  When he heard the door to the guest room close he let out the breath he didn’t even know he’d been holding.  He grabbed the bottle of Bourbon off the top of the fridge.  He didn’t bother with the glass and threw back a large mouthful.  He took a few deep breaths, trying to process their conversation a bit.  He still wasn’t too sure about all of what Tony had said but it did give a little glimpse into what made his SFA tick. 

Gibbs knew he wouldn’t sleep so he went back to the couch with his book and the bottle. 

*****

Much to his surprise, Tony did fall asleep fairly quickly.  Probably in part due to the codeine and part to being emotionally exhausted after his numerous conversations throughout the day.

At 1:15 Gibbs tossed aside his book, took one last mouthful of Bourbon and headed upstairs to brush his teeth.  He stood looking at his bed and weighing whether or not he would sleep out of earshot of Tony.  He realized he probably wouldn’t so he went back downstairs to sleep where he did half the time anyway, the couch. 

After creeping back down the stairs he carefully opened the door to the guestroom to check on Tony.  Sound asleep on his back, he was snoring softly.  The shade was still up and the room was lit by the glow of the streetlight outside the window.  It gave the room a bluish glow and Gibbs was instantly transported back to an isolation tent with ultraviolet lights, beeping monitors and Tony, clinging to life.  His breath hitched as he reached out to put his hand on the dresser to steady himself against the onslaught of memories.  Tony coughed a little and curled up on his side, facing the door, and Gibbs.  He didn’t fully wake up and quickly settled back down.

Gibbs found himself unable to leave the room.  He moved the chair he’d been sitting in the night before to the head of the bed and sat down.   As he did that night in the hospital, he gently laid a hand on Tony’s head, running his fingers through hair. 

It was after 2:00 by the time Gibbs left the guestroom with one last glance over his shoulder.  He stretched out on the couch, suddenly exhausted.  He was asleep within minutes of curling up.

*****

Tony woke up coughing a little before 5:00.  He sat up, took a drink of water and caught his breath.  Gibbs had left the chair next to the head of the bed and Tony just smiled at the sight of it.  He was glad he’d been asleep when Gibbs decided to hover over him.  A few deep breaths later, he was happy to realize he was breathing a bit more comfortably.  He was still fairly congested but things weren’t as tight.  After a few more sips of water he curled back up determined to get some more sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Despite not going to bed until after 2:00 and sleeping fitfully, Gibbs was awake at his usual 6:15.  He used the bathroom and headed back down the hall. Stopping by the guestroom he quietly opened the door a bit and peeked his head in.  Tony was curled up in a ball, covers pulled up to his chin.  Absent for the first time in two days was the sound of raspy breathing.  Gibbs closed the door, figuring he would just let him sleep for a while longer.

Gibbs grabbed the newspaper off the front porch, happy to see the sun shining brightly.  With the coffee brewing he skimmed the front page while standing in front of the coffee maker.  He filled his mug as soon as enough had brewed, savoring the first strong mouthful.  An English muffin went into the toaster next before he grabbed the peanut butter out of the cabinet.

By 8:00 the pot of coffee was almost gone and he’d read through most of the paper.  He was about to start on the crossword puzzle when he realized he should probably wake up Tony.  They had an appointment in Autopsy with Ducky at 10:00.  Gibbs hoped the x-ray didn’t show anything which would make a trip to Bethesda necessary.  He didn’t want to have to put Tony through that, knowing the younger man’s feelings about hospitals in general. 

Tony was still sleeping when he pushed the door to the guestroom open.  "Tony,” Gibbs whispered, not getting a reply.  He crept into the room and gently shook his agent’s shoulder.  He got a little groan from Tony as he struggled to open his eyes and gain a little semblance of time and space.  As he levered himself up a little, Gibbs turned on the lamp on the dresser.

“It’s a little after 8:00, figured you’d want to take your time getting ready for your appointment with the x-ray machine,” he smirked.

“Yeah, thanks,” Tony muttered as he pushed back the covers and rubbed at his eyes a bit.  Gone was the dizziness that had plagued him for the past few mornings, for that he was grateful. 

“You want coffee?” Gibbs asked.

Tony took a few seconds to think about the offer.  “Tea, I think,” Tony said, deciding his stomach wasn’t quite up to the ridiculously strong coffee his boss was fond of brewing.

“Take your time, I’ll put the water on,” Gibbs said as he left the room and headed down the hall.

Tony stretched a little and padded to the bathroom.  He decided he was feeling a bit better, thermometer showed his fever had dropped to 99.3 and he didn’t feel like coughing up a lung. 

Gibbs set the mug of tea on the table as Tony came down the hall.  Tony grabbed his pills and took them with a handful of water.  “English muffin?” Gibbs asked.  Tony almost declined but reconsidered given the pills he’d just swallowed.

“Yeah, sure.  So, after this ridiculously unnecessary x-ray, am I free to go home?” he asked as he folded himself into one of the kitchen chairs.

“You were always free to go home, DiNozzo,” Gibbs smirked.  “Could have just put on your ruby slippers and clicked your heels.”

“Nice movie reference but there was no way you and Ducky were letting me leave.”

“Yeah, true.  But it’s not often I can actually come up with a relevant movie reference.  I’m going to shower, yell….”

“Yeah and I’ll yell if I need anything,” Tony snorted, cutting Gibbs off before he could finish the sentence he’d used frequently over the past few days.

Tony ate the English muffin and drank some of the tea while he flipped through his phone, checking his email and social media feeds.  He gathered up the various things he’d spread out over the kitchen and living room before going to take a quick shower and pack up the rest of his things. 

*****

At 9:55 Tony and Gibbs stepped off the elevator and into the bullpen. McGee was there as a welcoming committee of one.

“Why don’t you look surprised to see us?” Tony asked, eyebrows raised, trying to look annoyed but failing miserably.

“What makes you think I’m not surprised?” McGee asked trying his best to keep a straight face.

“Uh, the cup of coffee on Gibbs’ desk and the tea in your hand, which I assume is mine,” Tony replied as he plucked the cup from Tim’s hand with a snort.  He held it up in a mock toast.  “Thanks.  Is Ducky here yet?”

“Yep, warming up the x-ray machine as we speak,” McGee teased.

“Yeah, I don’t think it works that way,” Tony teased. 

“Oh, it was Abby by the way, she told me you were coming in to meet Ducky this morning.”

“And you felt the need to check up on me?” Tony asked plainly as he looked at his friend.

“Yeah,” Tim admitted with a crooked smile.

“Thanks,” Tony replied with a little smile of his own.  He turned towards the elevator to head to Autopsy.  Gibbs took a half a step towards him to follow but something in Tony’s eyes made him change his mind.  He let Tony go alone to get checked out by Ducky.

  
*****

“Anthony my boy, how are you feeling this splendid autumn morning?” Ducky asked, way too cheerfully for early on a Sunday morning.

“Feeling a bit more human than I have in a few days,” Tony said as he set his tea down and pulled his NCIS sweatshirt off over his head. 

“Well, that’s a positive step,” Ducky said with a grin.  He was dressed in his weekend wardrobe, which was pretty much his weekday wardrobe minus the bowtie.  “Follow me,” he said as he led Tony to the x-ray room. 

Tony laid down on the table as Ducky moved the machine, centering it over his chest.  Ducky was about to go around the corner to hit the button when Tony called to him.

“Hey, Ducky, uh, how about a lead shield?” he asked as he motioned in the general direction of his groin.

“Sorry,” Ducky chuckled as he went to find the lead apron.  He tended to only need it when using the x-ray machine on his co-workers as exposure to radiation wasn’t something the vast majority of his patients needed to worry about.  He set the apron in place and took a few quick images.  “Okay, go have a seat on the stool, I’ll be there in a moment.”

Tony took a sip of his tea and took a seat.  Ducky gave a quick listen to his heart and lungs before handing him the thermometer.  When it beeped Tony handed it to Ducky and pulled his sweatshirt back on as the room was chilly.

“99.3, much improved.  Lungs sound a bit better.  You’re certainly breathing easier.  Let’s take a look at the x-rays and then we’ll talk to Brad,” Ducky said in a rather matter of fact tone.

“Brad?” Tony whined.  He really shouldn’t have been surprised that Ducky would want to consult with the good Dr. Pitt.  “I suppose you’ve already talked to him?” Tony guessed.

“On my way home last night,” Ducky said simply.  “He agreed with our course of treatment thus far.  Happy to hear we planned on getting some images this morning.”  Ducky went to his computer, clicked the file and emailed them to Brad before opening them up fully to view them.  He was starting to take a look at them when Brad’s image filled the upper right corner of the screen. 

“Good morning Dr. Pitt,” Ducky said with a smile.

“Hey Brad,” Tony said as he moved behind Ducky so Brad could actually see him. 

“Morning Dr. Mallard. Morning, Tony.  So, you seem to have gotten yourself in a bit of trouble these last few days.  How are you feeling today?” Brad asked as he opened up the email from Ducky.

“Better.  Not ready to run after a fleeing suspect but not on the fast track to Bethesda.  At least I don’t think so, not really up on my x-ray interpreting. I’ll leave that up to the two of you. And I’m rambling,” Tony muttered as he pulled the other stool next to Ducky and sat down.

“X-rays don’t look too bad.  You’re obviously still pretty congested.  Things still tight?” Brad asked.

“Not too bad.  Nebulizer and inhaler are helping a bit.  Not quite so achy this morning.  Fever’s down to just over 99.  A bit wired with the steroids.  I think I drove Gibbs crazy last night,” Tony chuckled.  

“I’ll call in a script for Tessalon to help with the congestion.  I don’t think we’re looking at pneumonia; what do you think Dr. Mallard?” Brad asked.

“I concur.  Still not thrilled with the way his lungs sound but he does look better,” Ducky said.  “May I suggest desk duty until we repeat an x-ray in a few days.”

“Sounds like a reasonable plan,” Brad agreed as he looked at Tony to check for a reaction.  The agent offered no protest which was a bit concerning to both doctors.

“Anthony?” Ducky said simply, hoping to get some kind of reaction from his patient.

“Yeah, sounds fine,” he agreed without complaint.  Brad and Ducky exchanged a look between them but neither said anything.

“How about you come see me on Wednesday.  I’ll check you out and we can do another x-ray,” Brad offered.  “I’ll text you a time tomorrow.”

“Sounds good, thanks,” Tony said simply.

Ducky and Brad exchanged goodbyes and Ducky disconnected the call.

Ducky just gave Tony a look.

“What?” Tony asked.

“You didn’t complain about desk duty,” the ME said simply.

“Honestly, I would have been fine with you two suggesting I stay home until the next x-ray.”

“Really?” Ducky asked, very surprised to hear Tony admit that.  “You are free to stay home, Anthony.  I will even write you a note,” the older man teased.

“Thanks,” Tony chuckled.  “I’ll decide in the morning.”

“Are you going home from here?”

“Planning on it, packed up my stuff from Gibbs’ house, my car is here.”

“Did I see Timothy up there in the bullpen?”

“Yes, McWorried was here when we got here,” Tony snorted.

“Anthony, I’m sure he was worried, we all were.  Just remember that.  Honestly, you avoided the ER by the skin of your teeth last evening.  The fact you had the nebulizer at home was the only thing that saved you, my boy.”  Tony nodded his understanding.  “How about we head upstairs and give Jethro and Timothy an update, then you are free to go home.  I’ll call and check in later.”

“Sounds good,” Tony muttered as he stood up and ran a hand through his hair. Ducky grabbed his coat and hat and the two men left Autopsy, heading for the elevator.

“Hey Duck, thanks for everything this weekend.  I know I wasn’t exactly the model patient,” Tony said sincerely as the elevator started its ascent.

“My dear Anthony you are more than welcome,” Ducky said with a grin as he patted Tony’s cheek.  “But know that I will be calling later to check up on you one last time.” 

“Wouldn’t expect any different,” Tony chuckled as the car stopped and the door started to slide open.  “And I’m sure it won’t be the last time,” he added over his shoulder as he stepped off the elevator.

*****

To Tony’s annoyance, but not his surprise, both Gibbs and McGee were standing there expectantly as the elevator doors opened. 

“Well?” Gibbs asked.

Tony looked at Ducky, deferring the update to the ME.

“X-ray doesn’t look too worrisome.  No need for a trip to Bethesda.  We consulted with Dr. Pitt, changed the medication up a bit.  Anthony will see Dr. Pitt on Wednesday and he’ll get a repeat film for comparison.”

“Home until then?” Gibbs asked.

“That’s up to our patient.  Dr. Pitt and I are in agreement, if he does come back it’s desk duty until Wednesday, at least.”

“I’ll decide in the morning,” Tony said. “Right now, I just want to go home and relax on my own couch.  No offense boss, you were great but…”

“No need for an explanation, DiNozzo, I get it,” Gibbs said with a smile. 

“Okay, my good friends, I will see most, if not all of you, in the morning,” Ducky announced as he pulled his coat on and set his hat on his head.  He shook everyone’s hand and headed for the elevator.

McGee’s cell phone rang and he stepped away to take the call, leaving Tony and Gibbs alone.  Tony took a seat at his desk for a minute, turning on his computer.

“What are you doing?” Gibbs glared.

“Just checking for an email I was expecting Friday afternoon.  I’m leaving in a minute, I swear,” he said as he opened his email program.  “Thanks for everything,” he said with a smile as he leaned back a bit in his chair.

“You’re welcome.  And I’m glad we, you know, talked.  Think it was long overdue,” Gibbs muttered, unable to really look Tony in the eye.

“Yeah, it was, Boss,” Tony agreed as he held out his hand to the older man.

Gibbs shook it and turned to grab his car keys off his desk.  “I’ll call you later to check in.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Tony grunted, knowing that wasn’t going to change Gibbs’ mind.

“Deal with it DiNozzo,” Gibbs grunted back as he reached out to lightly smack the back of Tony’s head as he headed for the elevator.

Tony smiled at the gesture and reached to smooth his hair back down.  He printed out the email and stuffed it in his backpack as Tim came back from down the hall.

“Everyone else head home?”

“Yep and I’m next,” Tony announced as he stood up and threw his backpack over one shoulder.

“You sure you’re okay to drive?” McGee asked as he picked up his own backpack.

“Yes, McWorried, I’m fine.”

“Okay,” McGee muttered as he just stood in front of Tony’s desk, fidgeting with his stapler.

“What?” Tony asked, trying to look annoyed but failing miserably.

“Nothing, just feeling like I didn’t help out at all this weekend.  I mean, Gibbs, Ducky and Abby they all got to..

“To what, babysit?” Tony snorted.

“Yeah, I guess it’s stupid.  I’ll see you tomorrow,” Tim muttered.

Tony picked up his duffle bag and headed for the elevator.  “Hey Tim,” he called over his shoulder, using his friend’s given name.

“What?” McGee asked, fully prepared for some major teasing from Tony.

“I’m going home to watch football and probably order a pizza.  If you promise not to check my temperature or expect me to hold a meaningful conversation you can join me,” Tony offered.

McGee considered the offer for half a second.  “Sounds good, I’ll pick up the pizza.  Extra pepperoni?” Beer?”

“Mushroom and no beer for me, but feel free to bring some for you.”

“I don’t need any.  I’m going to finish up a few things at home.  About 3:00?

“Sounds fine, McGee.  Thanks. I might be asleep, just let yourself in.” 

******

Tony carried his backpack and duffle bag out to his car, tossing everything on the passenger’s seat before climbing behind the wheel.  The effort it took to simply lug his things out to his car took more out of him than he had expected.  He turned on the car to warm it up and sit for a minute to catch his breath.  There was a half-finished water bottle in the cup holder, he opened it up, draining it in a couple of gulps.

“Pharmacy and then home to the couch.  You can do this, DiNozzo,” he muttered to himself.

With a sigh he eased the car out of his parking space and headed for the main gate of the Navy Yard.  He stopped at the pharmacy for the medication Brad had called in.  Script wasn’t ready so he wandered around, grabbing a few random things and tossing them into a basket.  He grabbed more ginger ale and Gatorade, cough drops, the good tissues with the lotion, a bottle of shampoo, a bag of Hershey Kisses and a bottle of Johnson’s Soothing Vapor Baby Bath.  In the years since his bout with the plague he’d learned the bath product did wonders for sick, cranky NICS agents too.  That was a discovery he’d more or less kept to himself.  Brad knew about it as he had been the one who suggested it in the first place.

It was 12:30 by the time he dragged himself and his things up to his apartment.  He dropped everything next to the piano before securing his weapon and badge which had been in his backpack since Friday.  The dirty clothes got dumped in the washer, the nebulizer got put in his room and the bag from the pharmacy was tossed on the kitchen counter.  He plugged his phone into the charger and then checked his texts.  There was one from Abby asking how his check up with Ducky worked out.  He gave her an update and said he was going to take a nap and that he’d call later.  He hoped that would be enough to keep her from calling the instant she got his text.

Friday morning’s coffee mug and cereal bowl were still in the sink so he put them and the carafe from the coffee maker in the dishwasher and started the cycle.  A quick glance at the refrigerator yielded nothing that really sparked his appetite, despite the fact he’d been shopping earlier in the week and it was full.  McGee would be coming in a couple of hours with pizza but he wanted to eat something as he was going to start the new medicine and wanted to alleviate the possibility of any unpleasant side effects from it.  He grabbed a box of crackers and the jar of peanut butter from the pantry and a bottle of Gatorade from the counter before heading for the couch and a television with cable. 

Tony kicked off his sneakers and settled down on the couch with a large sigh.  He managed to eat a few crackers and have something to drink before stretching out to watch the start of the Redskins game.  By the time they were mid-way through the first quarter he was sound asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

McGee texted Tony about 2:30 before he left his place to head over.  Not getting a reply he made sure Tony’s spare key was on his keychain before leaving to pick up the pizza.

Tim knocked lightly once and when he didn’t get a reply he let himself in Tony’s apartment. Tony was sound asleep on the couch, football game on mute.  McGee quietly went into the kitchen and set the pizza box on the counter.  He grabbed a plate and two slices before returning to the living room.  Tony was stirring a little as Tim sat down in the chair next to the couch.

“Hey McGee,” Tony muttered, wiping a hand over his face.  He glanced at the television to see how far along the game was.  It was the middle of the 3rd quarter, so he’d gotten a nice nap.

“Hey yourself, get some sleep?” McGee asked.

“About two quarters worth, apparently,” he replied, motioning towards the television.

“You want pizza?” McGee asked.

“I’ll get some in a minute.  Let me wake up a little more.  You just get here?” he asked as he levered himself up a little and took a few deep breaths to fully wake up.

“Yeah, you didn’t move when I let myself in,” McGee explained as he picked up a slice of pizza and took a large bite.  He washed it down with some Coke as Tony got up slowly.  He stood still for a few seconds to get his bearings before heading for the bathroom.

 

They watched the rest of the Redskins game, which ended in them winning on a Hail Mary pass.  Tony had managed to eat a slice of pizza but realized it wasn’t sitting too well, so he passed on a second slice.  He did manage to drink a bottle of Gatorade, which would make Ducky happy.  Between the two games he aimlessly wandered around the apartment.  Tim wisely stayed silent and out of his way.  Or at least as out of the way as humanly possible.  McGee had gone into the kitchen to grab another drink and was coming back out to the living room when Tony rounded the corner, looking at his phone and not where he was going.  Tim’s can of Coke went flying and Tony nearly did too.

“Sit,” McGee ordered, taking Tony by the arm and simultaneously pulling out one of the stools from the island.  He mopped up the soda while Tony sat at the counter and fidgeted with anything within his reach.  Tim opened the fridge to grab another drink for himself. “You want anything?” he asked over his shoulder.

“Tea, I think,” Tony said as he started to slide off the stool.

“I’ll get it,” McGee offered as he waved Tony back down.  “I know I promised not to hover and make you talk, but you know, if you want to talk, that’s fine with me,” he blurted out as he filled the tea kettle with water before setting it on the stove and turning on the burner.

Tony bit back a smart ass reply.  “Thanks, Tim.  I appreciate it.  I don’t want to talk right now but….but thanks for the offer,” he said with a little grin. 

“Wow, you must not feel well, you’ve called me “Tim” twice today,” McGee smirked as he pulled a mug out of the cabinet for the tea.  Tony pulled a teabag from the basket in front of him, wisely picking something without caffeine.

“Too tired and drugged to come up with good nicknames,” Tony snorted.

“Understood.  And at the risk of sounding like I’m hovering, how do you feel?” McGee asked as Tony looked a little worse than he had at the office earlier in the day.

“I was feeling better earlier but kind of crappy right now,” he admitted as he pressed his hand to his forehead, to the amusement of his partner.  “Let me grab the thermometer and check. Unless you want to feel my forehead like everyone else has done this weekend,” Tony teased.  “Gibbs, included,” he added before McGee could ask.

“No, I think I’m good.  But I’ll get the thermometer for you,” McGee offered with a smirk.

“Thanks, I think it’s on the nightstand.”

Two minutes later with a reading of 100.8, Tony had some explanation for how he was feeling.  He took some Advil and curled back up on the couch with his tea. McGee settled back down in the chair, one eye on the game and the other on Tony who was pretty fidgety and starting to cough a bit more.

At some point near the end of the first half, McGee had dozed off for a little while, waking to the sound of something hitting the floor in the kitchen. He jumped off the chair to investigate the source of the sound, nearly taking a header onto the floor as he got tangled up in the blanket Tony had tossed over him.  

“Sorry McDrowsy, just dropped the Gatorade,” Tony explained as he held up the bottle.  Tim took a deep breath to slow his heartrate down a little.  “What did you think happened out here?” Tony teased as his friend took a few deep breaths.

“No idea, I was sound asleep and heard a thud,” Tim muttered as he grabbed a bottle of water.

“It was just the bottle, I didn’t hit the floor.  No need to worry.”

“Good.” Tim muttered as he opened the water and took a sip.  “Did you sleep?”

“No, I tried.  Too much coughing.”

“Ducky and Brad didn’t give you anything for that?” Tim smirked, knowing the answer to that question.

“Of course they did,” Tony muttered as he unsuccessfully tried to suppress a cough.

“Let me guess, it makes you loopy?” McGee guessed with a laugh as he opened the pantry door to look for a snack.

“Actually don’t know if it made me loopy, it just put me to sleep before I could find out.  And the Oreos are on the top shelf,” he pointed out, knowing his friend’s cookie preference. McGee grabbed the cookies and they sat down at the island.

They chatted for a while about nothing in particular.  Tony was glad for that.  He’d had too many emotional conversations over the past few days. While the conversations he’d had with Ducky, Gibbs and Abby were all a long time in coming and wholly necessary, there was something to be said for chatting about whatever nonsense popped in the minds of himself and McGee.

“You coming in tomorrow?” McGee asked as he put away the package of cookies and wiped the crumbs off the island.  He took a seat back on the other stool.

“If I sleep, I’ll come in to hang out at my desk.  Honestly, spending a day or two on cold case work sounds okay to me,” Tony admitted.  His admission was a little surprising to McGee.  He looked at Tony for a few seconds.  “You look like you want to say something McCurious,” Tony said with a laugh.

“I do. But I also promised I wouldn’t say much if I came over to hang out,” McGee explained with a shrug of his shoulders.

“I’ll give you two questions,” Tony offered.  “But easy questions,” he teased.

“Are you okay?” he asked simply.  Tim certainly knew the answer to that question was not an easy one, but he wanted to see how Tony would respond.

“No and without you having to use your second question, it’s not just being sick.”

“Okay.  I know you well enough to know you haven’t been yourself since…since,” McGee trailed off, getting the feeling he was breaking his promise to not push Tony to talk.

“You can say her name, McGee,” Tony said with a little sigh.

“Since Ziva left.”

“No, I haven’t been fine since then.”  McGee just nodded his acceptance of Tony short answer.  “You still have one question left,” Tony smirked.

McGee took a deep breath, “Rule number 12?” he asked as he steeled himself, not sure how Tony would react to his question.

Tony took a deep breath and ran a hand over his face.  “Technically, no,” Tony answered vaguely.  McGee looked at him, wanting to ask for an explanation but knowing he was out of questions.  “The night before I flew home,” Tony said simply.

“Okay,” McGee answered shrugging his shoulders a little.  Tony looked at his friend for a minute, trying to decide if he was dying to ask more questions.  “What, Tony?  You said two questions, I asked them, you answered.  You know I’m here if you want to talk.  I’m not going to push.”

“Thank you,” Tony said quietly.  “There’s been a lot of serious, emotional conversations this weekend.  I’m happy for the break.”

“Just how emotional are we talking?” McGee asked, unable to help himself.

‘Well, I wasn’t sobbing in front of Gibbs, if that’s what you’re asking,” Tony smirked.

“Yeah, kind of where I was going,” McGee admitted as he slid off the stool and paced around the kitchen.

“The same can’t be said for my conversation with Abby.  It wasn’t pretty, for either of us.  Went through half a box of tissues between the two of us,” Tony admitted. 

“Yeah, been there, done that.  She makes it easy to let everything out.  That’s one of the reasons we love yer,” McGee muttered. Tony nodded in agreement.  “You want to watch the end of the game?”

“Yeah,” Tony replied as he slid off the stool, grabbed his bottle of water and the inhaler.

******

By the time the 4:00 game was over a little after 7:00 Tony was sprawled out on the couch, more awake than he thought he would be. He’d had a snack more substantial than Oreos and he’d taken his meds.  McGee emptiedthe dishwasher while Tony flipped through the channels and texted Abby.  She wanted to call but he just really was not in the mood to talk.  To her credit she seemed to understand and be content to communicate via text.  Communicating with his other two friends, Gibbs and Ducky, would be over the phone.  Ducky was capable of texting a quick one or two words but he was going to be looking for an in depth update.  As for Gibbs and texting, that would never happen.

It was 8:00 by the time Tony had finished all his phone calls.

“You need anything before I head out?” McGee as he sat down to slip his sneakers back on.

Tony bit back a smart-ass reply as he muted the television and sat up.  “I think I’m okay.  Thanks for hanging out and not being too chatty,” he teased as he rocked forward a little to get enough momentum to stand up.  He walked McGee to the door.

“Text me in the morning, let me know what you decide to do.  I can pick you up if you don’t want to drive, whatever you need,” McGee said sincerely as he grabbed his coat out of the closet and put it on.

“Thanks, Tim,” Tony said with a smile. 

“You’re welcome,” Tim replied as he held out his hand.  Tony took it and pulled McGee in for a quick, manly, pat on the back, hug.  A gesture which meant more to Tim than Tony would ever know.

******

Tony wandered around the apartment, truly alone for the first time in days, outside the hour or so he’d been by himself on Saturday while Gibbs dealt with Fornell and his “emergency”.  It wasn’t quite as exciting as he thought it would be.  He was restless and really didn’t see that changing without codeine, something he wasn’t quite ready to take.  His piano provided some distraction for a while.  Broadway showtunes and some old standards flowed out from memory.  Singing along didn’t go well at all, so he gave up on that rather quickly.  He texted back and forth with Abby a bit more and eventually decided a nice hot bath might help him relax and breathe a little easier.

He started the water in the tub and dumped in some of the Baby Bath he’d picked up earlier, thinking how much of a field day McGee would have knowing his secret fondness for a good bubble bath.  He breathed in the vapor scent, letting it calm him a little.

By 9:30 he was in his pajamas, curled up on the couch.  He’d used the nebulizer, medicated himself with codeine and Advil after checking his temp and getting a reading of 101.  He was half asleep when Brad texted asking for an update. 

Tony sent an honest reply --

_Doing okay, still congested and a bit tight. Temp 101, took Advil and codeine.  Less wired.  Happy to be on my own couch.  Will decide about work in the morning.  Talk to you tomorrow._

_********_

Tony woke up coughing a little after 2:00.  It took a minute to get oriented and realize he was on his own couch.   He padded into the kitchen for a drink of water and crawled into his own bed, under the nice cotton sheets, falling back into a dreamless sleep.

 

        

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

Tony’s cellphone alarm went off, as usual, at 5:45.  He stared at it for a few seconds, listening to the theme from Indiana Jones, trying to decide what to do.  He did the first thing that popped into his mind—he hit SNOOZE.

Nine minutes later, having fallen back to sleep and had a whole dream, the alarm went off again.  He turned it off and sat up slowly, knowing he needed to wake up enough to decide if he was either going to wake up fully and go to work, or roll over and go back to sleep.  With a groan that could probably have been heard in the hallway outside his apartment he sat up cross legged on the bed, scrubbing a hand over his face.  A deep breath resulted in an expected coughing fit. He grabbed the bottle of water on the nightstand and took a few tentative sips, trying to control both his breathing and his urge to cough.

After a few minutes he was reasonably sure he could get out of bed and not end up on the floor.  He padded to use the bathroom before heading for the kitchen to find the thermometer.  The reading of 100.3 did nothing to help make his decision about going to work any easier.  Under 100 he would have hopped in the shower, over 101 he would have texted Gibbs and Ducky before crawling back under the covers.  He turned the burner on under the teapot and opened the cabinet for something remotely appetizing.  He hadn’t had much of an appetite at all since eating Gibbs’ famous pancakes on Saturday morning.  But he knew he needed to eat something with the meds. Eventually he put a frozen waffle in the toaster and grabbed the butter out of the fridge.  By 6:15 he’d eaten most of the waffle, taken his meds and decided to shower and try to make it through the day at work.  He was relegated to desk duty, which meant cold case files.  Most of the team tended to complain about the cold cases but he actually liked them.  Gave him a real chance to fine tune his investigative skills without the pressure of Gibb’s breathing down his neck for quick results.

Figuring his phone would start blowing up the second he stepped into the shower, he let everyone who would possibly care about his plans for the day know that he was going to come in. After sending a quick text he got a smiley face and a heart from Abby, a thumbs up from McGee, a “good boy” from Ducky.

He called Gibbs directly, knowing that texting him was as useful as talking to the wall.

At 6:45 he stood at his closet trying to decide what to wear.  He didn’t have it in him to pick out a matching suit, shirt and tie. He pulled out a pair of dark jeans, a plaid shirt and brown boots.  He threw on a navy sweater and by 7:00 he was in the car heading for the Navy Yard.

******

Tony was thankful he was one of the first to arrive for the day.  He’d stopped for coffee for Gibbs and McGee and tea for himself.  He deposited the drinks on their desks before tossing his backpack behind his desk and sitting down with an audible sigh. He was cleaning up his email when Gibbs came off the elevator, muttered a good morning and delivered a light head slap, accompanied by a genuine smile.

Gibbs tossed the empty coffee cup he had in his hand and picked up the fresh one Tony had gotten for him.  He held it up in a mock toast as he sat down.  They both got to work, saying little, waiting for Tim to arrive.

“You really feel up to being here?” Gibbs asked as Tony tried in vain to stifle a few coughs.  He glanced at his SFA over the tops of his reading glasses.  He wasn’t thrilled with how he looked, still pale with dark circles under his eyes.

“I don’t know.  Staying home didn’t sound all that exciting either,” Tony muttered with a shrug of his shoulders.

“Do what you feel up to doing, okay?” Gibbs muttered as he reached for the ringing phone.

“Copy that Boss, thanks,” Tony muttered as Tim stepped off the elevator. 

Before Tony was forced to give an update to McGee, Gibbs hung up his phone and yelled out the familiar, “Gear up, we got a body.  Hold down the fort, DiNozzo.  Oh and caffeinate Abby for me,” Gibbs said as he grabbed his gun, badge and backpack.  He tossed the keys to McGee and they headed off, leaving Tony alone in the bullpen.  Tony went to grab a Caf-Pow for Abby and visit with her for a little while.  He knew he should probably go check in with Ducky, he figured it was only a matter of time before the good doctor tracked him down.  He’d seen Jimmy heading out for the crime scene but he knew Dr. Mallard had remained behind, most likely to keep an eye on him.

 

“Tony, Tony, Tony,” Abby squealed as she saw him coming into the lab.  She took the drink with a quick hug as she motioned for him to take a seat on one of the stools.  “How do you feel? Don’t look so great,” she said honestly as she took a large gulp.

“Honestly, don’t feel so great.  But didn’t want to stay home either,” Tony admitted.

“I get it.  Here give Bert a hug, always makes me feel better,” she said as she tossed him the stuffed hippo.  Tony gave him a big hug, the plush toy letting off a loud fart.  He chuckled lightly, trying not to set off a coughing fit.

“Everyone out on a case?”

“Yeah, just got called in.  Have you seen Ducky?  Kind of surprised he hasn’t tracked me down yet,” Tony muttered as he fiddled with an empty evidence bag on Abby’s counter.  Before Abby could respond the doors to the lab slid open and a booming Scottish voice rang out, “Good morning Abigail.  Anthony my boy, I’ve been looking for you.”

“Morning Ducky,” Tony and Abby chorused together.

“And how are we feeling this morning?” Ducky asked, turning his attention towards the man currently doing his best to not look as miserable as he felt.  Tony just shrugged his shoulders, the answer the ME was fully expecting.  “How about you come with me for a few minutes?” Ducky suggested.

“Sure, not like I’m doing much good anyway,” Tony muttered.  He gave Abby a sad smile as he tossed Bert back to her and followed Ducky out of the lab.

 

Ducky quickly went through the physical exam with his usual tongue clucking.  He actually didn’t say much until he set aside the stethoscope and motioned to Tony that he could put his shirt and sweater back on.  Ducky pulled up the stool as Tony reached up to smooth his hair back down.

“Ducky, say something, please,” Tony pleaded.  He tried his best to keep the whining out of his voice but he was not exactly successful.  It had been a long 3 days and he was tired of feeling like crap.

“Anthony, are you positive you feel up to being here today?” the ME asked with a pointed look in Tony’s direction.

“Like I told Gibbs and Abby, not really but staying home alone didn’t sound all that exciting either. And before you ask, I took Advil, antibiotics, Tessalon and used the inhaler this morning.  Ran out of time to do the nebulizer.  But I brought it,” he added quickly before Ducky could use that as an excuse to send him back home to the couch.

“Good boy.  Lungs don’t sound any better or worse than 24 hours ago.  You certainly don’t look any better either.  If I have to be honest, you look worse than last we met.  Pulse is a little high and blood pressure low.  Dizzy?”

“A little, no worse than it was on Friday,” Tony admitted.

 “Are you drinking enough?”

“Not sure.”

“Well Anthony, we are going to correct that starting now. I think you are sliding towards dehydration.  And if you slide any further you know what that means.”

“A trip to Bethesda,” Tony groaned.  “I have some Gatorade in my backpack.”

“Excellent. Has your fever dropped below 99 at any point since Friday?”  Tony just shook his head.  “You’re supposed to see Brad on Wednesday?” Tony just nodded.  “Well, we are going to change that to tomorrow.” That gained Ducky another little nod.  “You and Jethro talked so much over the weekend that you are unable to speak now?” Ducky teased.

“Sorry,” Tony muttered.  “I assume you’ll be calling Brad now.”

“Oh you can count on that.  Why don’t you go back upstairs, drink a bottle of Gatorade and I’ll check on you in a little while.  I’m about to perform an autopsy on poor Mr. Wilson.  And judging by your slightly green look, I don’t think you want to be around for that.”

“Not at all,” Tony grinned as he stood up slowly, waving off Ducky’s attempt to steady him.

*****

Tony spent the next few hours working on a cold case and drinking Gatorade. The team hadn’t returned from the case yet and he was quite enjoying the peace and quiet.  Vance checked on him once from the top of the stairs but otherwise he was left alone.  Brad had texted Tony, telling him to come see him first thing the following morning and to be ready for another chest x-ray and some bloodwork.  X-ray didn’t bother Tony, bloodwork that was another story.  To say he wasn’t a fan of needles was an understatement.

Eventually his progress on the case slowed to a crawl and he got up to walk around a little.  He used the men’s room and wandered over to the vending machines.

“I hope you’re not getting lunch out of the machine,” Jimmy teased as he walked past Tony to get a bottle of Coke.

“Nah, nothing looks remotely appetizing,” Tony muttered.  “You just get back?”

“Yeah, we’ll work on the body this afternoon.  Gibbs and McGee are still out in the field. How about something to drink,” Jimmy said, motioning towards the drink machine.

“And I see you’ve been talking to Ducky.  What happened to doctor patient confidentiality?” Tony smirked.  Jimmy just shrugged his shoulders with a grin.  “I have Gatorade at my desk.  Ducky done the autopsy?”

“Yeah, things are cleaned up down there if you want to visit,” Jimmy offered.

“I think I will.  Let me grab a drink and I’ll come down.”

Tony stopped by his desk to grab a bottle of Gatorade out of his backpack.  He ended up just picking up the whole backpack and taking it down with him, realizing a round with the nebulizer might make him feel a bit better.

 

“Coming to keep us company, Anthony?” Ducky asked as Tony stepped into the room. “Or leaving for the day?” he asked, pointing at the black backpack slung over his shoulder.

“Actually, came down for a little privacy, didn’t really feel the need to sit at my desk with the nebulizer,” Tony explained as he took a quick look at the stainless steel table, making sure it was clean before he set the backpack down.  He set up the nebulizer and hopped up to sit on the table.

“Tony, you want me to step out?” Jimmy asked over his shoulder from where he was sitting at the computer starting the file on the newest case.

“Of course not,“ Tony replied.  He sat crossed legged on the table, using the nebulizer and scrolling through his phone.  Abby texted, worried when she didn’t find him in the bullpen.  He took a quick selfie and sent it to her.  He wasn’t sure how she actually had time to look at the picture before she appeared at the door.  With a grin he waved her in.  She hopped up to sit next to him, putting an arm around him, resting her head on his shoulder.

Ten minutes later Gibbs and Tim wandered down, having returned from the crime scene to find none of their team in the bullpen.  They found Tony and Abby still sitting side by side on the stainless steel table, Jimmy sitting on another table across from them, Ducky on a rolling stool between the two tables.  They were chatting quietly.  All 4 looked up as the doors hissed open and Gibbs and Tim entered the room.

Tim leaned against the table Jimmy was sitting on and gave everyone an update on the case.  Eventually he, Abby and Jimmy went up to went up to get the bagged evidence out of the truck while Ducky grabbed his lunch and sat down at his desk to eat.

Gibbs and Tony wandered back up to the bullpen.

 

Neither Gibbs nor Ducky had any luck getting Tony to eat anything.  They barely had any luck getting him to drink something.  Ducky felt comfortable not pushing him too much, knowing he was seeing Brad first thing in the morning.

Tony plodded along with his cold case until the team had enough information on their current case to meet in front of the plasma.  Tony joined them to provide a little outside perspective.  He wasn’t that much of a help to be honest, but the team was happy to have him try.  Abby came up with her usual enthusiasm to provide her findings.  As she told the team about her discoveries, Tony realized he’d been standing for about half an hour, longer than he’d been on his feet in days.  Out of the corner of his eye, Gibbs saw his SFA sway just a little.  He discreetly took Tony’s arm and pulled him back a few feet so the younger man ending up sitting on the edge of McGee’s desk.  While Abby continued to ramble on Gibbs grabbed the half finished bottle of Gatorade and put it into Tony’s hand, with a sharply whispered, “drink,” that left little room for Tony to ignore. 

Satisfied that Tony was about to take a drink Gibbs took a few steps back towards the team and the plasma so he could participate in their discussion.  Five minutes, later he heard a little groan behind him and he turned to see Tony make a beeline for the men’s room.  The agent’s departure effectively put an end to the conversation.  Tim, Gibbs and Abby all took half a step towards their quickly moving teammate when Ducky stepped off the elevator in time to see Tony’s retreating form.  He held up a hand to the rest of them and headed to check on his patient.  The ME slipped into the men’s room.

“So you drew the short straw?” Tony asked from where he was leaned over the sink, splashing cool water on his face, trying to concentrate on his breathing and praying he wouldn’t throw up. 

“No, I waved the rest of them off.  Figured you might appreciate the gesture.  But I could go get the lot of them to hang out with you in here,” Ducky teased as he handed a few paper towels to Tony.

“Thanks,” Tony whispered as he wiped his face and started to a pace a little.  He stopped long enough to pull his sweater off over his head, suddenly finding the room rather warm. 

A minute later his measured breathing and praying failed and he stumbled into the first stall and dropped down to his knees.  Ducky knelt next to him as he got sick, a comforting hand on his back.  Having eaten next to nothing all day he was reduced to painful heaving rather quickly.  When he felt safe enough he sat back against the wall as Ducky pushed himself to his feet to get him a cup of water and some tissues.  Tony heard the door to the bathroom open and he silently groaned, having a pretty good idea who had just come in to check on him.

“Well, DiNozzo, I couldn’t find your dignity, but I got some ginger ale,” Gibbs teased, echoing Tony’s request from over the weekend.

“Thanks, Boss.  Come on in,” he muttered as he wiped a hand over his eyes.  Gibbs appeared in the doorway to the stall, hand outstretched to help Tony to his feet. 

Tony washed his face, rinsed his mouth and sat on the counter, cheek pressed against the cool tile wall.  He took a few tentative sips of the ginger ale under the watchful eye of his doctor and his boss.

“I’m going to leave you two alone to chat,” Gibbs eventually said as he patted Tony on the shoulder and left the bathroom.

“I suppose you’re about to drag my sorry ass to Bethesda,” Tony said quietly.

“The thought had crossed my mind in the past half an hour,” Ducky admitted.  “How about we take a little elevator ride down to Autopsy?”

Tony just nodded and slid off the counter.  He groaned as he got a glance at his reflection in the mirror over the sink.

Under Ducky’s watchful eye Tony managed to drink a little something and more importantly keep it down.  Tony went into Ducky’s seldom used private office and curled up on the couch.  Ducky talked to Brad for a little while, deciding between the two of them to hold off on dragging Tony to the ER. 

Ducky and Jimmy started the autopsy on the young Marine they brought in earlier.  Ducky let Jimmy take the lead, partly to give him the practice and partly so he could keep a closer eye on his sleeping patient.

************

Tony wandered out of Ducky’s office a little before 3:00, having slept for a couple of hours.  His shirt tails were hanging out, boots were missing and hair was sticking up in all directions.  Ducky caught his eye and motioned for him to take a seat on the stool. 

“Sleep seem to help at all Anthony?” Ducky asked as he dried his hands on a few paper towels.

“I think so.  Don’t feel like puking so that’s something,” he mused as he took the bottle of water Ducky held out to him.  “Where’s the autopsy gremlin?” he asked, looking around for Jimmy.

“He took a few pieces of evidence over to Abby,” Ducky replied as he took a seat at his computer.  He was trying his best not to hover about his patient. 

Tony found his backpack on the counter and took his meds.  Ducky handed him the thermometer which he took without complaint.  “100.8,” he groaned.

“Brad will do some blood work in the morning.  See if we can figure out what’s going on.”

“Okay Ducky, what are the chances of me going home alone tonight?” Tony asked, fully prepared for the possibility of a babysitter for the night. 

Ducky turned around on his stool to face his patient, who was as usual, sitting on an autopsy table.  “If you want to leave now, zero chance.  If you stay and let me keep an eye on you for a couple of hours, then I’d say 50/50,” he answered honestly.

“Guess I can live with that,” Tony said, shrugging his shoulders. 

“Why don’t you go splash some water on your face, do something with your hair and go up to see your team,” Ducky suggested.  “They are understandably worried about you.  Remember that when you go up and they hover over you,” Ducky smirked.

“Yeah, yeah,” Tony muttered as he slid off the table and headed for the bathroom.

When he got up to the bullpen the hovering wasn’t too bad.  He was pretty sure that Ducky had called up to them and asked them to try and restrain themselves a little.  For that he was happy.

He helped McGee with a few things for the current case, answered some emails and under the watchful eye of his boss, managed to drink half a bottle of Gatorade, and more importantly, keep it down.

*****

Before he left for the day, Ducky gave Tony a quick once over and reluctantly agreed to just let him go home by himself. 

*******

By 7:30 Tony was curled up on his own couch, having taken a nice hot shower, eaten a bowl of oatmeal and had some tea.  Most of the team checked in, even though he left them a mere 2 hours earlier.  Gibbs, of course, called instead of texting.  But truly being a man of few words, it was a short conversation.

 

As Monday Night Football started the last of the expected texts came, one from Brad—

BP-You’re sure keeping things interesting Buckeye

AD-I try.

BP-Seriously how are you?

AD-Been better.  Happy to be home alone.

BP-give me a quick update and I’ll let you get some sleep

AD-Can’t get my temp below 99, using the nebulizer a few times a day.  Cough is better with the new meds.  Just feel like crap. 

BP-from what Ducky said, probably a little dehydrated too.  So when you come in tomorrow, bring your laptop, something to read, comfy clothes, you’re likely to be here for a while.

AD-I’d argue if I had the energy. 

BP-Now I know you’re sick, you won’t fight with me.  Come right to my office.

AD-but be prepared to be dragged to the ER.

BP-exactly.  I’ll be here at 8:00 and I’ll even bring you breakfast.

AD-Thanks.  Goodnight

 

Tony tossed aside the phone, muted the game and promptly fell asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Tony dragged himself out of bed a little before 7:00 the next morning.  He showered and threw on jeans, sneakers and a flannel shirt.  He stuffed a pair of sweats and a t-shirt in his backpack, along with his laptop, a book and his earbuds and phone charger. After getting a good look at himself in the mirror as he debated and then decided against shaving, he had no hope at all he was getting out of Brad’s sight without a trip to the ER.  He did take a few minutes to think about whether or not he should even be driving.  Deciding he was okay to make the trip he grabbed his jacket and an ancient Orioles cap he’d had for years.

“Brad,” he called out as he opened the door to the good doctor’s office a few minutes after 8:00.

“Be right out,” came the reply from down the hall.  He came out into his waiting room to meet his patient.  He gave a few clucks of his tongue, sounding very much like Ducky.  Tony just stood there, arms crossed, readying himself for what came next.  “Good morning, you look like crap.”

“Yeah, I noticed that when I looked in the mirror, thanks,” Tony muttered as he adjusted his backpack higher up on his shoulder. “Could we at least pretend there is a small chance you’re not about to drag me to the ER?” he asked, whining just a little.

“We can do that,” Brad said softly.  It was clear Tony was miserable and not in the mood for jokes.  “Follow me.”  Tony did as he was told and followed Brad into an exam room.  He set the backpack on a chair and sat down on the exam table.  “I know Ducky’s been wanting to do this for days,” Brad said as he stuck the O2 sensor on Tony’s index finger.  “95,” he announced.  Tony just let out a frustrated breath, he knew whatever shred of luck he might have had left, just disappeared.

“And I just won a trip to the ER?” Tony guessed as he started to unbutton his shirt, figuring that was next.

“Yep.  And don’t bother unbuttoning that.  We can do all of this after we take a walk.  I will save you the chaos of the ER though, I’ll put you in an observation bed.  I’ll even pull some strings to get you something private.”  Tony just nodded his acceptance of the situation.  He slid back off the table and reached for his backpack.  Brad sent a quick text to his office manager letting her know what was going on.  He grabbed his ID badge and his coffee.

“You already planned for the observation bed, didn’t you?” Tony asked as they waited for the elevator.

“Yep,” Brad smirked.  Tony just nodded his understanding.

 

Ten minutes later they arrived at their destination.  True to his word, Brad had managed to get a private room with an unobstructed view of the parking lot.  “You want a nice backless gown or did you bring something more comfortable to wear?” Brad teased.

“If you want me to put on a backless gown you need to promise to buy me dinner,” Tony teased.  “I brought sweats.  And you promised breakfast.”

“Good to see your sense of humor,” Brad replied.  “’Get changed and I will grab some supplies and maybe a cute nurse for you.  You want coffee, food?”

“Tea and muffin or bagel, something like that and I’ll take a raincheck on the nurse. I’d be more comfortable with you doing the blood and IV,” Tony muttered as he went into the bathroom.

 

“You ready for the plan?” Brad asked a few minutes later when he reappeared with supplies, including a cup of tea and a corn muffin.

“Let’s hear it,” Tony said as he moved from looking out the window to sitting on the edge of the bed.  He picked up the tea and took a small sip, burning his tongue just a little, just adding to the joy of the morning.

“Chest x-ray, bloodwork to start with,” Brad said as he reached to pinch up a bit of skin on the back of Tony’s left hand which was not otherwise occupied with the muffin.  When the skin didn’t quickly return to normal, Brad frowned and rolled his eyes a bit.

“You know, the eye rolling thing, doesn’t make me feel confident I’m getting out of here any time soon,” Tony snorted.

“You are most certainly not leaving here in the next 6-8 hours,” Brad said in a tone which left no room for arguing.  “I’m sure the blood work will confirm our suspicions that you are rather dehydrated.  So we’ll get an IV started and put you on some supplemental O2.” Tony started to hold up his hands in protest.  Brad took a deep breath and decided a calm, gentle tone was probably the way to go.  “Tony, come on, it will all make you feel better.  I know you hate the hospital but hey, at least you’re not down in the ER, which is packed this morning, by the way.  You need to use the bathroom before I hook you up to everything?”  Tony just shook his head.  “They’ll come in and do a portable x-ray, you won’t have to go over to radiology for that.”  Brad took his vitals, started an IV line and hung some fluids.  “Blood pressure is down, pulse is up.  Lungs don’t sound quite as bad as I had expected.  That’s not to say they sound good.  We’ll just give you everything through the IV for now, that way if you do manage to get some sleep we won’t have to wake you.  So it’s the antibiotics, steroids and some fluids.  Temp is almost 101 so we can do IV Tylenol, that should bring it down.  Let the nurse know if you want to use the nebulizer.  If you’re nauseous, anxious, freaking out let us know, we have something for it,” Brad chuckled, a bit alarmed when Tony didn’t react to his joking.  “Sound like a plan?” Brad said as he sat down on the edge of the bed reaching for Tony’s right arm, pushing up the sleeve of his long sleeve NCIS t-shirt to find a good vein.

“Whatever you say, you’re the one who went to medical school,” Tony sighed as he reached for his tea.  He was resigned to spending the foreseeable future in a hospital bed.  Honestly he felt so lousy that it didn’t bother him all that much.  “Do I need to call Gibbs or will you be calling Ducky any minute now?”

“That’s up to you,” Brad said as he pulled on a fresh pair of gloves to draw some blood.

“You can call.  I’ll deal with my team later.  Just not up to it now,” Tony whispered. 

“No problem.  Okay, turn away and I’ll get this blood drawn.”  Tony did as he was told and Brad managed to find a nice vein on the first try. “Okay, let’s get some O2 started.” Tony just nodded. “I assume you want to try nasal cannula first?” Brad asked, knowing the oxygen mask did not hold good memories for Tony.

“Oh yeah,” Tony muttered as he pulled the blanket up a bit.  Brad handed him the oxygen tubing and started the flow.  Tony adjusted the prongs in his nostrils and the tubing over his ears before putting the head of the bed down a little in an effort to get comfortable.

“I’ll run the blood to the lab,” Brad said as he moved Tony’s backpack so it was within easy reach.  “Call button and tv remote are on your left, don’t torture the nurses.  You need anything before I go?”  Tony just shook his head.  “Karen the nurse will be by in a few minutes to hang the meds.  I’m going to run to my office and see a few patients.  Text if you need anything.  Try to get some sleep.”

“I will, thanks,” Tony with as much of a smile as he could muster.

Karen came by a few minutes later to hang the meds.  Tony made a minimal amount of small talk, too tired and worn out to be his usual charming self.  He was just about to doze off when the x-ray techs arrived.  He cooperated with them without interacting much.  They completed their task, turned off the lights and left the room quietly.

Five minutes later, Tony was snoring softly.

*****

Brad called Ducky to give him an update and their plan.  He promised to fill the rest of the team in on Tony’s condition.  Brad voiced concern to the older doctor about Tony’s quiet, withdrawn demeanor.  Ducky filled him in on Tony’s current emotional state in vague terms, so Brad was aware that there was more going on than him being physically sick.

******

Tony woke up to the feeling he was being watched.  He cracked one eye open to find Brad sitting next to the bed, shoes missing, feet propped up on the end of the bed.  He was scrolling through his phone with one hand, eating an apple with the other.

“Seriously, you don’t have other patients to see today?” Tony muttered as he reached for the can of ginger ale which had appeared on the bedside table. 

“I saw some and rearranged some others,” Brad said as he tossed the phone on the bed.  “How are you feeling?”

“Feeling? I’m not sure I’m even awake at the moment,” Tony muttered as he raised the head of the bed a little and rubbed at his eyes, trying to gain some semblance of time and space.  He tried looking at his watch, which he realized he’d taken off so Brad could put the IV in earlier.  “A little help?” he whined as he couldn’t find his phone either.

“It’s 11:30,” Brad said as he found Tony’s cell peeking out from under the blanket.  He handed it to him and was rewarded with a groan as Tony checked his missed texts and calls.  “Guess your team didn’t listen to my request to leave you alone?” Brad guessed as he pointed at the phone.

“Not exactly, but that’s okay.”

“So Ducky and I talked a little,” Brad said quietly, letting his comment just hang there for a minute to see how Tony would react.

“I figured you would sooner or later.  It’s okay, I don’t really have secrets from either of you.  That being said, I’m really not in the mood to discuss anything of consequence right now.”

“That’s fine,” Brad replied.  “Could you maybe tell me how you’re feeling? Since I asked like 20 minutes ago,” he teased as he nudged Tony’s foot with his.

“Sure,” Tony chuckled.  “Achy and tired but restless.  Not coughing as much. Blood work show anything?”

“Other than the obvious, that you’re pretty dehydrated, nothing really out of the ordinary.  We’ll see how you feel after some fluids before we talk about some other tests.  X-ray looks a bit better than Sunday’s.”

“Other tests, that sound rather ominous,” Tony muttered as he pushed back the blanket and swung his feet over the side of the bed.

“We’d start with some blood cultures and probably culture whatever you hock up,” Brad teased.

“Awesome,” Tony sighed.  Brad handed him a pair of standard hospital issue non-skid socks when it became clear Tony planned on getting out of bed. “Really?” he whined.

“Yep.  You are more than free to walk around but I’m not having you fall on my watch.  IV pole and O2  come with you,”  Tony nodded his agreement to the conditions which would free him from the bed for a short time.

Tony grudgingly put on the socks and let Brad straighten out the IV line and hook the oxygen tubing up to the portable tank before he attempted to stand. He used the bathroom and took a walk down the hall, the latter under the watchful eye of his doctor/friend.

After a few laps around he was ready to get off his feet. Brad got him settled back in bed and the IV lines situated.  Vitals were taken and the oxygen line hooked back up to the wall oxygen. His lunch tray had arrived and he pulled the cover off with a groan.  Soup, pudding and tea.

“You’ve eaten next to nothing in the last two days.  Keep that down and I’ll bring you whatever you want later,” Brad offered.

“Deal.”

Brad went back to his office to see a few more patients while Tony made a half hearted attempt to eat his lunch.  He texted a few people from work, eventually giving in to Abby’s request to come over and see him.  She promised a shake from Beltway Burger, one of the few things he’d actually enjoyed over the last few days.  He also made her promise to bring over the cold case file he’d been working on the previous day, hoping it would provide some kind of distraction for him.

******

When Abby arrive a little after 1:00 Tony was snoring softly.  She set the shake on the rolling table, her bag on the end of the bed and slipped off her coat, hanging it on the hook by the door.  Before taking a seat in the chair by the bed she leaned over and pressed kiss to Tony’s warm forehead.  He stirred a little as she sat down and took his right hand in hers.  She wasn’t used to seeing her friend so pale, quiet and still.  Three words which one did not usually use to describe Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo.

“Hey Abs,” he whispered as he extracted his hand from hers to try to lever himself up a little.

“Tony, you poor thing.  You look miserable,” she said as she raised the bed up a little for him.

“Well Abby, I’d be insulted if I didn’t feel miserable too,” he smirked. 

They chatted for a little while.  Tony asked for updates from work and Abby helpfully pointed out that so far he’d only missed half a day of work.  He managed to get down most of the shake Abby had brought him. 

 

Brad came in to check on Tony about 2:00.  He took a quick vital check, happy to see Tony’s fever had finally started to come down a bit.  Breathing wasn’t too impressive, so Brad suggested a treatment with the nebulizer.  Abby offered to step out but Tony just rolled his eyes at her.  He’d much rather have the company than privacy at the moment.  He even put one side of the bed rail up and scooted over to the edge, giving Abby room to sit next to him.  She scooted halfway behind him as he sat cross legged, mouthpiece of the nebulizer in one hand, remote in the other.  Abby rubbed his back and fussed over him a bit.  Brad smiled at the sight of the two friends as he left the room to go see his other patients who were on the inpatient units.  Both waved in his direction before turning their attention back to the television. 

Karen eventually came into hang another bag of fluids.  Tony was sound asleep, head on Abby’s chest, left arm draped over her waist.  She had her cheek resting against his hair, fingers of her right hand laced together with his left.

“Do you need anything?” Karen asked Abby.

“Do you have Caf-Pow?” she asked hopefully.

“No, but I’m sure I can find you can of Coke,” Karen offered.

“Thanks,” Abby whispered.

Abby’s phone vibrated and she carefully reached for it.  It was a text from McGee, hoping for an update.  She took a quick selfie of her and Tony and hit SEND.

**********

Ducky arrived a little before 5:30 to find Tony and Abby sound asleep.  Brad stopped by a minute later and the two doctors went out in the hall to talk.  Brad gave a quick update.  Nothing he said surprised the ME at all.

“Do you plan on letting him out of here tonight?” Ducky asked.

“We’ll see if he can keep up his level without supplemental oxygen and go from there.”

“So basically hoping it doesn’t stay up so there’s no arguing?” Ducky guessed.

“Exactly,” Brad chuckled.

 ******

An hour later Abby had headed home and Brad and Ducky were about to have a serious conversation with their patient.  Tony was sitting on the bed, looking only marginally better than he had earlier in the day.  His fever was hovering around 99, which was a step in the right direction.  Unfortunately for him, when Brad removed the oxygen he wasn’t able to keep his level above 96 for more than ten minutes.

“Okay Anthony, as you’ve already guessed, you’re not going anywhere,” Ducky said carefully.

“I know that,” Tony muttered as he pulled his knees up, wrapping his arms around his shins.  He put his head back and stared at the ceiling for a few seconds.  It didn’t come as a surprise to him that he wasn’t going home, but that didn’t make it any easier.  Making it through the day in the hospital hadn’t been so bad, he had slept a good deal of it away and he had some company to keep him occupied.  Spending the night was a whole other experience, one he didn’t really want to take part in.

“We’re going to change the meds in the nebulizer a bit and see if that helps your levels.  Brad and I decided not to do more blood work tonight.  We’ll keep you on the IV.”

“You two are the experts,” Tony muttered.  “I’m not exactly in a position to argue,” he chuckled dryly.

“I have to check on a few patients and catch up on some things but otherwise I’ve cleared my night, we can hang out and have an old fashioned slumber party,” Brad said with a laugh. 

“Great,” Tony muttered.

“Okay, so my dear Anthony, I will keep you company until Brad can return.  Any instructions, Dr. Pitt?” Ducky asked, turning his attention towards Brad while picked up his phone to return some texts.  Ducky followed Brad out into the hall. 

“I hope this isn’t going to be a long night.  But we can always sedate him if it is,” Brad said with a little grin.  “See if you can get him to eat something.  I have a feeling he will get a second wind at some point, he did sleep a fair amount during the day.  Hopefully we’ve finally got a handle on his fever.  Call me if you need anything.  I’ll be back in a few hours.”

Brad stuck his head back in the room, giving a little wave in Tony’s direction.  The agent gave a half hearted wave back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and kudos, they are all appreciated!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So with this chapter I finally get around to addressing the original idea I had for this story---my version of how Tony first heard about the men's support group.
> 
> Only took two months, 10 chapters and 30,000+ words.

Ducky and Tony chatted for a bit while Tony made an attempt to eat something for dinner.  The selection was a little improved over the soup and pudding at lunch but he was still struggling with lack of appetite.  But hooked up to the IV and drinking more than he had in the previous few days pushed back Ducky, and Brad’s, concern a little.

While Tony used the nebulizer, Ducky shared the latest information on the current case and they took a look at the cold case file Abby had brought over for Tony.  The progress on the cold case wasn’t exactly speeding along but Tony was able to do a little research since he’d brought along his laptop.  While he worked Ducky went to track down some ice cream, happy that Tony was interested in eating something.

Eventually what little progress Tony had been making ground to a halt about 7:30. He pushed away the laptop and scrubbed a hand down his face.  Ducky was sitting in the recliner, reading his own book.

“You know, you don’t have to hang out Ducky.  I’ll be okay.  I’m sure Brad will be wandering back soon,” Tony said as he reached for the can of ginger ale, managing to knock it over. He pushed back the rolling table and made an effort to get out of the way but the IV line and the oxygen tubing conspired against him.  He muttered a few choice words under his breath as Ducky popped up to assist him. 

Brad managed to come in just in time to help out.  He got Tony a pair of scrub pants and settled him in the recliner, adjusting the tubes and wires. While Ducky gathered up his things, Brad and one of aides put a set of clean sheets on the bed.

“I will check in with you in the morning, Anthony,” Ducky said as he leaned over to press a kiss to Tony’s forehead.   

“Thanks for everything, Duck.”  Tony said with a smile.

“Call you if need my input, Dr. Pitt,” Ducky said as he set his hat on his head and picked up his bag.

“I’m sure we’ll be fine,” Brad assured him as the older man headed for the doorway.

 

“So now what?” Tony muttered as he ran a hand through his hair.

“Well, you want to take a walk around the unit?” Brad offered.

“Actually, I think I’d like to move around a little.  Can I lose the IV?” Tony asked.

“Yeah, I can cap it off for now.  I’ll run more fluids while you sleep.  You want to try to lose the O2?”

“I’d love too, it’s annoying the hell out of me,” Tony muttered as he pulled the prongs out of his nose and tossed the line aside. Brad stuck the O2 sensor on his Tony’s finger and took a set of vitals while they wait to see if he could keep up his sats.  The rest of his vitals looked pretty good.  Blood pressure was up and pulse down, probably due to the fluids.  Temperature was hovering at 99.5, where it had been for a few hours. Brad eventually took a seat on the edge of the bed.  “You going to just stare at me?” Tony teased. 

“Sorry, just want to give it a few minutes before we get too far from the oxygen.  Here, let me cap off the IV while we wait.”

Five minutes later when Tony’s levels had only dropped slightly, he and Brad headed out to take a walk around the unit.  True to Brad’s earlier prediction, Tony seemed to have gotten a second wind while out on their stroll down the hall and back. 

“I know you’d love to keep going but I want to check your level, so let’s head back,” Brad said after about 15 minutes.  “Bed or recliner?” Brad asked when they got back to Tony’s room. 

“Oh you need to buy me dinner first, didn’t we already discuss this?” Tony snorted.  Brad just shook his head, he’d been prepared for a smart comeback as soon as the question had left his lips.  “Recliner,” Tony muttered as he took the opportunity to use the bathroom without dragging any lines or machines with him.  He used the bathroom and splashed some water on his face before settling down on the recliner.

“Did you eat anything?” Brad asked as he stuck the O2 sensor on Tony’s finger, the level had dropped a little more but not back down to where it had been first thing in the morning.  He handed the O2 line back to Tony who took it without comment or complaint.

“Not too much.  Selection wasn’t exactly up to my standards,” Tony teased.

“Standards? So says the man who would live on Beltway Burgers,” Brad teased right back.  “I’m not going out in the rain to Beltway Burger but I will run to the doctors cafeteria to see if I can get you something more appetizing.”

“Deal”.

While Brad ran to look for food Tony pulled out his laptop and checked his email.  He did a little research for the cold case.  He grabbed his worn leather notebook out of his backpack to jot down a few things.  He pulled the picture he had of himself and Ziva.  He glanced at it for a minute, as he did a few times a week.  He set it on the rolling table he’d pulled close by. 

Brad came back a little while later, bearing a pair of turkey sandwiches, some fries and a bottle of iced tea for Tony and a cup of coffee for himself. 

Since Tony was in the recliner, Brad kicked off his shoes and stretched out on the bed.  He flipped through the channels, finding nothing exciting. He landed on ESPN and left it there.  Tony ate with one eye on the television and one on his computer.

Brad held out a slight hope that Tony want to talk a little.  He wasn’t exactly sure how to start the conversation but when he noticed the picture Tony had on the table, he found his opportunity.

“Nice picture,” Brad said carefully as he reached for it, stopping to look for approval from his friend. Tony nodded and Brad picked it up to take a closer look.  A week or so after Tony had returned home he’d had dinner with Brad and after a few beers had gotten chatty. Brad knew how things had ended with Ziva, he knew about the night they’d spent together before Tony flew home.  But since that night, they hadn’t really talked to each other very much.  Both had been busy and Tony hadn’t really made much of an effort to spend quality time with any of his friends.

“You feel like talking about something of consequence?” Brad asked, echoing the words Tony had used earlier in the day.

Tony shrugged his shoulders but set aside his laptop, letting Brad know he was at least superficially willing to warm up to the idea of talking.

“So while you have certainly been rather sick these past few days, I know after talking to Ducky that it might not all be physical.  You agree?” Brad asked as he muted the television and sat up cross legged on the bed, facing Tony who was still curled up in the recliner.

“Sure I do.  I’m not going to lie and say things are fine.  They’re not, I’m not.  But I’m having trouble putting it into words what’s actually wrong.  I mean, I can’t even explain it to myself, forget about trying to put it into words for other people.  I know I need to talk and I know I have friends who love me and who will listen but I still don’t seem able to do it.  I’ve tried to just act like nothing is wrong, but my friends see right through that.  I guess being the class clown and hiding behind that persona isn’t working anymore.  Maybe it’s age or maybe…”

“Or maybe your friends know you better than you think they do,” Brad mused. 

“Yeah, I’m sure you’re right about that.  They’ve all tried recently and I managed to push them away.  But you’ll be happy to know that even in my fevered state I have talked to them over the past few days.   And yeah, they’ve been nothing but understanding, even Gibbs. 

“Gibbs talked, like a real conversation?” Brad teased.

“Even without Bourbon, or at least the conversation started without Bourbon,” Tony teased.  “Cried my eyes out with Abby, but that’s okay.  She understands me better than anyone.  Didn’t make fun of me, just cried along with me.”

“So what do you think about talking with someone?  Other than your friends, no offense to them.”

“I’m sure they wouldn’t be offended.  A few of them have suggested the same thing,” Tony admitted as he reached for the iced tea. 

“So, what do you think about it?”

“I don’t know that I want to talk to someone one on one, if that makes sense.  Would love to talk but I think I’m better in a group.”

“I understand and I might be able to help you out with that,” Brad said cryptically.

“How? There’s a group for middle aged men who don’t know what the hell is wrong with them?” Tony snorted.

“Well, I wouldn’t phrase it quite like that.  But there is a men’s group at my church.”

“Church? I don’t know if that’s my kind of thing,” Tony said warily.

“It’s just held at the church, like any number of support groups.  It’s a men’s group for guys dealing with any kind of change.  Some are dealing with the death of a loved one, divorce, run of the mill middle aged crisis, any number of things.  It’s part support group with the talking that goes along with that, but it’s also some volunteering, philanthropy type stuff.  Might be good for you, some sort of an outlet.  Think about it.  I can email you some more information.”

“I’ll think about it,” Tony replied.  Honestly the idea was somewhat appealing.  While he was glad he’d talked to his friends over the weekend, he knew he needed some sort of outside perspective.  Maybe the men’s group could provide that.

“And a hobby wouldn’t be the worst thing for you either,” Brad teased.  It was something he’d been suggesting for years and years.

“Yeah, yeah you and Ducky have been stuck on that for a long time,” Tony muttered as he pushed himself to his feet.  He paced around the room for a few minutes, Brad staying on the bed, out of his way.  A few minutes later Brad’s pager went off and he had to go check on a patient. 

Tony texted with Abby and McGee for a few minutes.  Apparently there had been a break through on the case and they had gone back to the office.  They sent some info to Tony’s laptop and he was able to help out a bit, or at least feel somewhat useful. 

 

When Brad finished up with his patient he headed back into Tony’s room, finding it empty.  The portable O2 tank was missing as were Tony’s slippers and cell phone.  He headed back out to the nurses’ station to see if they had seen his wayward patient.

“I think he wandered down the hall,” replied Megan, one of the night shift nurses.  Brad caught sight of Tony sitting in a chair at the end of the hall, facing the window.  He was halfway down the hall when he realized Tony was on the phone.  Not wanting to disturb the conversation he headed back to hang out with the nurses. He did keep one eye on Tony as he could hear him coughing from down the hall.  The cough had gotten better during the day but seemed to be returning a little.

Eventually Tony hung up the phone but he didn’t come back up the hallway.  Brad looked up to find his friend still at the end of the hall, pacing around a little, clearly a bit restless.

“You want me to get the Ambien ready?” Megan teased.

“Oh God no, I’ve seen him on a small dose of pain meds, I can’t imagine giving him Ambien,” Brad snorted.  “Let me talk to him about some options,” he said as he grabbed a piece of candy off the counter and headed down the hall.  “Okay Buckeye, let’s go,” Brad called. 

“Yeah, okay,” Tony muttered as he came back down the hall towards his room.

Once Tony got to the room, his level of restlessness became very apparent.  Brad hopped up to sit on the bed, leaving his patient to pace around the small room, dragging an oxygen tank.  That didn’t last very long and Tony flopped back down in the recliner.  He tried reading for a few minutes, watching television for another few, finally just scrubbing a hand down his face and letting out a large sigh.  Through all of this Brad just watched him silently.  He eventually slid back off the bed and took a quick set of vitals.

“So how much trouble to do you have with anxiety symptoms on a regular basis?” Brad asked, pointedly as he put the blood pressure cuff back in the basket and leaned against the bed.

“Uh, more than I let on is probably the right answer,” Tony admitted.

“Figured that much.”

“So how much did Ducky tell you?” Tony asked.

“Basically nothing,” Brad said.  “But your question just told me a lot.”  Tony let out a frustrated breath knowing he’d walked right into a conversation he wasn’t quite ready to have.

“What’s going on right now?” Brad asked, figuring that keeping his question a bit vague would lead to a more honest answer from Tony.

“Jumpy, can’t stay still. Can’t think straight, reading wasn’t working, television either. Feel like my heart is racing. Pulse back up?”

“A bit. Have you ever taken anything?”

“Off and on over the years, tried both Klonopin regularly and Ativan as needed, at different points obviously.  Didn’t particularly like either of them.  Tried a few antidepressants too.  It’s been years since I’ve used anything other than Scotch, or Bourbon when I’m at Gibbs’ place,” Tony snorted.

“Might be a good idea to consider something other than liquor, at least for the short term,” Brad said with a smile.  “There are plenty of things we can try that aren’t benzos.”  Tony started to put his hands up in protest.  “Just until you feel back to yourself,” Brad said carefully.

“I don’t even know what that feels like anymore,” Tony muttered a minute later as he swiped at his eyes. He took a deep breath which resulted in the first big coughing fit he’d had since the morning. 

“Sit up and lean forward a bit,” Brad suggested as he grabbed the box of tissues off the table and handed a few to Tony.  When the coughing seemed like it was about to end up with Tony’s dinner making a reappearance, Brad hit the call button for a little backup.

“What do you need?” Megan asked from the doorway.

“How about a basin to start with,” Brad answered over his shoulder.

“And my dignity,” Tony muttered.  Brad just laughed and sat on the arm of the recliner, a steadying hand on Tony’s back as he was shaking a bit.

“Take a slow deep breath and try bring some of that junk up,” Brad coached after Megan came back with a basin.  It took a few tries on Tony’s part but he was able to clear out his lungs a little without losing his dinner.

“You’re going to culture that aren’t you,” he asked with a snort after he finished spitting into the basin.  He took another handful of tissues and wiped his mouth.

“You gave it to us, might as well do something with it,” Brad teased as he handed the basin to Megan.

“You need anything else?” she asked before leaving the room.  Brad looked at Tony who just shook his head.

“I think we’re good.  I’ll be out in a few minutes to put some orders in.”

Although Tony’s coughing fit had ended the shaking hadn’t.  Brad took another set of vitals, pulse and fever were both up a bit.

“Okay, let’s hook you back up to the fluids, try some more IV Tylenol and how about something to help you calm down a little?”  Tony looked at Brad warily.  He was reluctant to take something, knowing his track record with medication.  “Nothing strong, nothing addictive.  The last thing I want to do it make you uncomfortable and run the risk of having you drive the night nurses nuts.  Let’s just try some Vistaril.”

“Will it knock me out?” Tony asked, trying not to just dismiss the idea without a little more information.

“No, not at all.  Just help you relax a little.  But I have options to knock you out, if it comes to that,” Brad teased.

“Okay,” Tony snorted.  “I’m going to just…” he muttered as he pointed in the direction of the bathroom.

 

Half an hour later Tony was back in bed, hooked back up to the IV. He’d taken the Vistaril, the codeine and was flipping through the television channels.  Brad had gone out to check on his other patient once last time for the night.  Megan came in to hang a bag of antibiotics as Tony was about to give up on finding something worth watching.

“Nothing good on?” she asked as she took a quick look at Tony’s hand to check the IV site. 

“Not really,” Tony said with a shrug of his shoulders.  He coughed lightly, taking the bottle of water Megan had brought in with her.

“He behaving?” Brad asked from the doorway.

“He is, believe it or not,” Megan teased.  “I’ll be here until 7:00 tomorrow morning, just hit the button if you need anything,” she said, addressing Tony before she headed for the door.  “See you tomorrow Brad,” she added with a smile as she patted his arm on the way out into the hall.

Tony just looked at Brad, trying to suppress a laugh.

“What?” Brad smirked.

“So you and Megan are…?” Tony asked.

“Friends.  But could probably be more if either of us had something resembling a normal work schedule,” Brad admitted as he flopped in the recliner, kicking off his sneakers.

“I’m the last person who should be giving relationship advice but if these last few months have taught me anything, it’s that you need to pay attention to what is right in front of you.  Don’t make some of the same mistakes I’ve made,” Tony said sincerely.

“I’m trying man, I’m trying,” Brad muttered as he stifled a yawn.

“So what do I need to do to get out of here in the morning?” Tony asked as he rolled in his side and propped his head up in his hand.

“Honestly, just need to prove that you can keep you O2 level at 98 or better for more than an hour or so.  We’ll repeat the chest x-ray and blood work in the morning.  How are you doing, really?”

“Cough is still annoying, I’d love to have my temperature return to normal.  But I think the fluids helped a lot.  I feel more human than I have in almost a week.”

“Good, I don’t expect anything to show up on the tests tomorrow.  Keep up with the meds when you go home.  I’d prefer you took the rest of the week off. But if not, please stick to desk duty.”

“I think I’ll stay home, hopefully I won’t die of boredom,” Tony muttered as he curled up a little, trying to get comfortable.

Tony and Brad talked to a little while, but it was clear Tony was fading fast, the combination of Vistaril and Codeine kicking in. 

“Brad, go home.  I’ll be fine,” Tony muttered.

“You sure, I can stay,” Brad offered.

“I’m fine,” Tony repeated.

“Okay, text if you need anything,” Brad said as he leaned over and slipped his sneakers back on.  He gave one last check of Tony’s vitals before leaving. Listening to Tony’s advice, he did stop by the nurses’ station to say goodnight to Megan.

Tony was sound asleep ten minutes after Brad headed home.


	11. Chapter 11

Megan got up to check on Tony a little after midnight.  She found him curled up in bed, staring out the window.  “Hey, couldn’t sleep?” she asked as she came into the room.  She was surprised to see him awake after the Vistaril and codeine he’d taken earlier, not to mention the late hour.

“Slept for a couple hours,” Tony muttered as he glanced at his cell phone.  “O2 is annoying me,” he explained as he adjusted the nasal prongs for the third time in as many minutes.

“You want to use the mask instead?” Megan offered as she pulled the blood pressure cuff out of the basket and motioned for his arm.

“Not in the least,” Tony muttered as he held out his arm to her.  “Can we try turning it off for a little while?  See if I can keep my sats up?”

“We can do that,” Megan offered as she glanced at the monitor.  Blood pressure and pulse were good.  She took a quick temp, 99.9.

Tony tugged at the O2 tubing, pulling it off and tossing it aside with a snort.  Megan handed him the O2 sensor.  “Clip that on for now.  I’ll be back in a minute with a sensor that won’t come loose in your sleep.  You need anything else?” Megan asked as she reached for the tubing Tony had tossed aside. 

“Think you can find some saltines?”

“Nauseous?” Megan asked, unnecessarily.

“A little,” Tony admitted with a sigh. “And no, I don’t want to take anything for it,” he added. 

“You really are as stubborn about meds as Brad says you are, aren’t you?” she teased as she headed out into the hallway.

“Yep,” Tony replied, a little louder than necessary.  He sat up crossed legged on the bed, head in his hands, taking a few slow deep breaths to try and calm himself while he waited for Megan to return.

“Here, try these,” Megan said as she set a can of ginger ale and a few packets of crackers on the table next to him.  She hung another bag of fluids as Tony ate the crackers and drank a little of the soda. 

“Can you cap this so I can use the head?” Tony asked as he held up his left hand and shook the IV line a little. “I’m tired of dragging the damn IV pole around.”

“Sure,” Megan replied. She capped the IV and set him free.  He used the bathroom and splashed a little cool water on his face. 

Tony came back out, looking a little better.

“Can I try the recliner?” he asked as he paced around a little.

“Sure, wherever you’re comfortable,” Megan said as she moved the IV pole closer to the recliner.  Tony settle down and she reconnected the fluids.  She taped an O2 sensor on his left index finger.  “That won’t pop off as easy as the clip-on one.”  They both took a look at the readout, 99 much to their relief.

“Let’s hope it stays that way,” Tony muttered as he grabbed the blanket Megan held out to him.  She moved the rolling table near him, making sure everything was in reach, ginger ale, saltines, tissues, call button, cell phone and a pink basin, just in case. 

“You need anything else?” Megan asked as she reached over and turned off the light over the bed. 

“I’m good, thanks,” Tony said a he tried to stifle a yawn.

“Get some sleep,” Megan said as she patted his shoulder before leaving the room.

******

Tony slept for a few hours, waking a little before 4:00 to a faint beeping sound.  He glanced around for a few seconds in a half hearted attempt to locate the source of the beeping.  As he was about to hit the call button Megan entered the room carrying a cup of coffee and a weary look. 

“Am I dying?” Tony asked with a smirk.  “Is this heaven?”

“No, Iowa,” Megan teased right back. 

“Cute, one of my favorite movies,” Tony said with a little cough.

“You are not dying, you are however about to put on some form of oxygen.  But on the plus side, you made it nearly 4 hours before your level dropped,” Megan said, with a little more cheerfulness than Tony felt was necessary.  “Mask or prongs?”

Tony thought for a minute, as much as he detested the O2 mask, he was also completely fed up with the nasal prongs.  And with any luck he’d be back to sleep soon.  “Mask,” he muttered as he took a drink and blew his nose. 

Megan got him settled back down and headed back to the nurses’ station.

*****

Tony woke up to sun streaming through the window.  He cracked one eye open to find Brad stretched out on the bed, eating a breakfast sandwich and watching the news.  With a sigh he pulled off the O2 mask and tossed it aside.

“Morning, sunshine,” Brad grinned as he muted the sound on the television and turned towards Tony.  “I’ll give you a minute to get acclimated before I ask how you’re doing,” he teased, knowing it took Tony a minute or so to wake up enough to have a meaningful conversation.

“Thanks,” Tony muttered as he leaned forward enough to put down the footrest of the recliner.  He ran a hand over his face.  “Did you bring an extra one of those?” he asked, pointing towards Brad’s breakfast.  Brad tossed him the extra sandwich he’d brought along.  Tony ate with more enthusiasm than he’d had for almost a week.  Brad was happy to see that.  They chatted for a little while, keeping an eye on Tony’s O2 levels which thankfully were staying up.  Brad checked his vitals, took some blood and removed the IV, making Tony very happy.

“So how long do I have to prove I can oxygenate at an acceptable level?” Tony asked as he pressed the gauze pad against the IV site to stop the bleeding.

“Give me an hour to get the blood work back, I’ll have someone take you to radiology for a repeat chest x-ray and we’ll go from there.

 

An hour later Tony was pacing around the room, drinking his first cup of coffee in almost a week.  He was waiting for Brad to return, hopefully with good news.  More than anything he wanted to go home and take a ridiculously long, hot shower and curl up on his couch.

“You are free to go, Buckeye. Chest x-ray looks a lot better,” Brad announced from the doorway.

“Great,” Tony muttered as he sat down on the edge of the bed to put his sneakers on. He stood up and started to pack up his backpack.

“Tony, slow down,” Brad teased as he watched his friend with barely concealed amusement.

“Sorry, just anxious to get home.”

“I get it, sit for a minute.”  Tony did as requested, sitting on the very edge of the recliner. “Bloodwork looks much better.  You are well hydrated now.  I’m not going to change the oral meds or inhaler.  Use the nebulizer if you need it. Use the Advair as you have been.  Fill this, please think about actually taking it,” Brad said as he handed Tony a script for Vistaril.  He took it warily.  “As needed, it’s not addictive.  It’ll help, I promise.  I emailed you the info about the support group.  I’ve already given Dr. Mallard an update.  Stay home today, obviously.  You can go back to work tomorrow if you feel up to it, desk duty for the rest of the week.”

“So that about covers everything,” Tony muttered as he stood back up. 

“It does,” Brad said with a grin.

“Should I expect more of this?” Tony asked as he stood and glanced around the room for anything he might have forgotten.

“More of what?” Brad asked, unsure what Tony was actually asking about.

“Lung problems?” Tony asked as he sat back down, realizing Brad’s answer probably wasn’t going to be a short one.

“Well, when you’re healthy I don’t expect you’ll have too many problems, if you take care of yourself.  Obviously going to have more problems when you get a cold or something like that.  Do I think that down the road your compromised lung function will jeopardize your career, probably.  I imagine eventually you won’t be able to pass the NCIS physical. But I don’t see that happening in the near future.   Listen to me and to Ducky.  Try not to let your symptoms get away from you.  Use the nebulizer as needed. Be smart about things.”

“Okay,” Tony said simply.

“Remember you also have options.  You were offered early retirement with benefits after you had the plague.  I know you weren’t interested in that at the time. And I suppose you’re not really interested in it now.  But it’s something to think about.

“Get out of jail free card?” Tony teased.

“Something like that,” Brad chuckled as he glanced at his watch, stood up and picked up his coffee.  “I have to get to my office, you are free to go.”

 “You’re letting me drive home?”

“You drove yourself here yesterday when you could barely walk or breathe.  Yes, you can drive yourself home.  Text when you get there,” Brad added with a chuckle.  “I’ll check in later.  Already signed your paperwork. Call my office tomorrow to set something up for early next week. Someone will escort you out in a minute.”

“Thanks, Brad, for everything,” Tony said as he held out his hand to his doctor/friend. 

“Anytime Buckeye,” Brad replied as he gave Tony a quick hug and reached to check his phone for the text which had just come.  “Gotta run, feel better.”

“Thanks.”

************

Tony had never been so happy to step into his apartment. He dropped his backpack and duffle bag on the couch while kicking off his shoes.  He sent a short text to Brad and shed his clothes one piece at a time, leaving a trail from the living room to the bathroom.  Forty five minutes later as the water started to cool, he turned the shower off, pulled on a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt before padding to the kitchen for something to drink.  He took his meds and headed to the living room to pick out a movie.  He decided on Field of Dreams, he’d been thinking about the movie since he and Megan had quoted it in the wee hours of the morning.

Much to his surprise, he stayed pretty much awake for the whole movie.  He texted back and forth with McGee and Abby for a little while, using a group text so he didn’t have to keep repeating himself.  He had a very brief actual conversation with Gibb and a slightly longer one with Ducky.

When the movie was over he pushed himself to his feet and headed for the kitchen.  He had something to drink and used the inhaler.  His appetite was still missing but he knew he needed to eat something, for a wide variety of reasons.  A quick glance in the fridge yielded nothing appealing.  The pantry offered up the favorite meal of preschoolers and college students alike, Kraft Mac and Cheese.  He set the pot of water on the stove to boil before grabbing his laptop out of his backpack and settling down on a stool at the island.  A quick glance at his personal email let him know he hadn’t missed much in the previous day.  Work email was a whole other story. After putting the macaroni in the boiling water he quickly went through it, deleting what he could at first glance.  Tim texted, asking if he could send something for Tony to look at, if he felt up to it.  Tony replied quickly, letting McGee know he was more than up to trying to do a little work.

Tony was able to help out a little from the comfort of his kitchen as he ate some mac and cheese and drank a bottle of iced tea.  He chatted with Tim for a while until he heard the familiar sound of Gibbs’ voice yelling “gear up, we got a body.”  With a promise to check in with each other later, Tony and Tim hung up.

After taking his meds, Tony stretched out on the couch with his book.  He lasted about 4 pages before his eyes fluttered closed and the book slid to the floor.

*****

Tony woke to the sound of his text alert going off a little after 3:00.  He wiped a hand over his face and reached for the phone, finding it on the floor, under the book he’d dropped when he fell asleep.  It was a text from Brad, checking on him.

_BP-doing okay?_

_AD-think so, just woke up.  Give me a minute. Let me find the thermometer._

Tony set his phone on the coffee table and found the thermometer on the kitchen counter.

_BP-take your time answering, not like I have other patients to see or anything like that_

_AD-smart ass.  Fever dropped below 99 for the first time in nearly a week.  Cough is better but things feel a little tight right now.  I ate, I drank enough and I actually helped my team with a little work earlier, from the comfort of my kitchen, in my pajamas._

_BP-Good. You might need to use the nebulizer for a few weeks.  Don’t freak out about that.  And at least for the time being you need to carry the rescue inhaler with you. What do you think about staying home for the rest of the week?_

_AD-Have you been talking to Ducky?_

_BP-of course I talked to him today.  But we’ll leave the decision up to you. I’m sure you’re getting more than a little stir crazy about now._

_AD-completely stir crazy but not crazy about going to work either.  I don’t know.  I’ll decide in the morning._

_BP-I understand.  Just take it easy if you do go in._

_AD-with Ducky, McGee and Gibbs do you think I have any chance of not taking it easy?_

_BP-nope, which is why I’m okay with you going in.  I gotta run, patients are backing up in my waiting room.  Call if you need anything._

_AD-I will, thanks again, for everything._

 

Tony puttered around for the rest of the afternoon.  He cleaned up a little, put fresh sheets on his bed, did a load of laundry and flipped through his mail.  Abby texted, offering to come by after work.  Tony considered the offer for a little while but did turn her down.  He ended up Facetiming with her for a bit, basically to assure her that he was indeed alive and well, or somewhere in the vicinity of “well”.

He ordered Chinese for dinner and watched some shows off his DVR, enjoying the quiet.  By 10:00 he was curled up in bed, having used the nebulizer and checked with Ducky, McGee and Gibbs.  Gibbs had no problem with him waiting until the morning to decide what to do about work.  He was fine with Tony coming in, working from home or spending the day curled up on the couch.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. Real life has a tendency to get in the way of my writing!!

Tony woke up a few minutes before the alarm the next morning.  He sat up slowly, taking inventory of how he was feeling.  All things considered, he didn’t feel too bad.  He’d managed to sleep fairly well, only waking up once to get a drink of water and use the inhaler.

By 8:00 Tony stepped off the elevator into the bullpen. He was happy to find his teammates were not standing there waiting for him.  McGee looked up from his desk and just gave him a little nod and a crooked smile as he was on the phone.  Gibbs wasn’t at his desk but his jacket was on the back of his chair and an empty coffee cup was on his desk. 

“Up with Vance,” Tim answered, before Tony could ask the question.  “Feeling better?”

“Slightly more human,” Tony said as he started up his computer.

Tony was barely settled at his desk when Gibbs started down the stairs announcing a dead sailor found behind Union Station.

“Hold down the fort, DiNozzo,” Gibbs said as he grabbed his ID and gun.

“You got it, Boss,” Tony answered as he watched the other members of his team head out.

After checking his phone messages and glimpsing at his email, Tony checked in with Ducky, who thankfully didn’t feel the need to examine him. They chatted for a few minutes before Jimmy called in from the field, asking for Ducky’s remote assistance. Tony excused himself and stopped by the lab to see if there was anything Abby needed help with.  She didn’t really need anything, but she was happy to have the company of her friend.  And she was certainly happy to see her good friend acting more like his usual quirky self.

Tony muddled through the morning. He was able to do some work on a few cold cases while the team was still out in the field.  He went out and brought back lunch for everyone as they were on their way back to the Navy Yard a little after 1:00.

By 3:30 he was starting to fade just a little.  He got up to walk around a little, hoping to wake up a bit.  He got a snack out of the vending machine and wandered back into the bullpen. 

“You okay, Tony?” Gibbs asked as he glanced at his SFA over the top of his reading glasses.  The use of his first name got Tony’s attention.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said quickly.  That earned him a little glare from his boss.  “Okay, starting to get a little tired,” he admitted when he realized his first answer wasn’t going to fly with Gibbs.

“Why don’t you check in with Ducky and head home?” Gibbs offered.  Tony’s protest was cut off by a large yawn.

“Fine,” Tony muttered as he grabbed his bottle of water and headed for the elevator.

*****

“Heading home, Anthony?” Ducky asked as the doors slid open and Tony walked into Autopsy.  The ME and Jimmy had just wrapped up their autopsy and they were getting the body back into the cooler.

“In a few minutes.  Gibbs sent me down to check in with you before I head home.”

“Okay, let us just finish up here and I’ll take a quick listen to your lungs,” Ducky replied as he went to wash his hands.

“Take your time,” Tony said as he pulled up a stool and took a seat.  He pulled his shirt tails out of his pants and unbuttoned it.

As Tony had been through enough poking and prodding over the past 6 days, Ducky kept his exam to the bare minimum. He took the younger man’s temperature, which was normal, and listened to his lungs.

“I am happy to say your lungs are sounding much better,” Ducky announced.  “I believe the meds are finally working.  Brad have you continuing with the nebulizer and inhaler?”  Tony nodded as he stood up and rebuttoned his shirt.  “Good.  My suggestion is for you to go home, get a good night’s sleep and come back tomorrow to enjoy your last day of desk duty,” Ducky said with a grin.

“Sounds great,” Tony said as he headed for the door.  He gave a wave in Jimmy’s direction and headed back to the squad room to pick up his backpack and head home.

Tony enjoyed a quiet night at home with a movie and his leftover Chinese food.

*******

Friday dawned chilly and rainy.  As a result, it took Tony a little while to get moving.  A long, hot shower helped a bit, but things went downhill from there.  He burned his bagel and nearly spilled an entire travel mug of coffee as he tried to grab it with one hand while texting Abby with the other.  He took a minute to sit at the counter and take a few deep breaths to center himself a little before leaving for work. 

By Friday afternoon, Tony had had quite enough desk duty.  He still didn’t have all his energy back but he was itching to get back out into the field.  The only thing that saved him from going completely nuts was that it was turning into a very slow day for Gibbs and his team.  The case from the previous day had basically solved itself.  The murderer had basically led the team right to him by early that morning.  He’d folded in interrogation after spending less than 10 minutes with Gibbs.  So, with no new case the whole team was relegated to a little cold case work. 

Gibbs tossed his reading glasses aside a little after 2:00.  He’d had quite enough of listening to his team whine about cold case work, the dreary weather and any number of other things they’d been grumbling about for what seemed like hours.

“Okay, can’t take your damn whining anymore. Meet me in the gym in 15 minutes,” he announced as he stood up and glared at his team.  Abby had come up from the lab half an hour earlier and she tried to sneak back to the elevator in the hopes of not having to join everyone in the gym.

“You too, Abs,” he snorted.

“But Gibbs,” she whined, hoping her puppy dog eyes would work on her beloved boss.  The glare she got in return let her know that her patented look wasn’t having the desired effect. 

As they headed to get changed Jimmy stepped off the elevator and a minute later he was also headed for the gym.  Unlike Abby, he hadn’t even tried to get out of it. Truth was, he was happy to join the team and also happy to get out of helping Ducky reorganize the supply closet.

Much to Tony’s surprise, Gibbs did let him participate a bit. He went a few halfhearted rounds with the heavy bag while under the watchful by of Gibbs who held the bag in place.

“Okay, I’m done,” Tony announced as he put his hands up in mock surrender.  He was in need of a drink and the inhaler.

“Get yourself some water,” Gibbs suggested as he patted his agent on the shoulder and headed towards Ducky who’d just entered they gym, most likely looking for his wayward assistant.

“You let him work out?” Ducky asked only a little bit surprised. 

“A little work with the heavy bag.  He clearly hasn’t recovered much of his stamina yet,” Gibbs explained as he sat down on the bench watching the rest of his team expend a little energy.  He usually joined them when he forced them into the gym but truth be told, the crappy weather had his knees protesting more than usual.

“Anthony, are you alright?” Ducky called across the room at the younger man who was leaning over, hands on his knees.

“Yeah,” Tony muttered as he gave a quick wave of his hand.  As he tried to take a few deep breaths he wandered over to the corner of the room where he’d tossed his backpack.  He pulled out the inhaler and took a couple puffs before sitting down on the mat in front of Ducky who had settled himself down on bench next to Gibbs.

Ducky resisted the urge to grab his stethoscope and check Tony’s lungs.  The fact that Tony’s breathing was quickly returning to normal and he was able to mock the rest of the team as they were still working out led him to believe the younger man was just fine.

Eventually everyone ended up sprawled out on the mats with water bottles, acting as if they’d worked out for longer than 45 minutes.

Gibbs gave up on getting any additional work out of the team and he sent them home early with a warning to come back Monday morning without the whining.  In reality he was ready to go home too.  He had a steak, a bottle of bourbon and a couple of ice packs waiting for him.

***********

Tony spent Saturday running a few errands, picking up the dry cleaning, making a very overdue trip to the food store and having lunch at his favorite coffee shop around the corner from his apartment. 

While he managed to make it through the day without so much as the thought of a nap, he did end up crashing on the couch right after dinner.

******

Sunday dawned warm and sunny.  Tony put a pot roast in the slow cooker and headed out for some fresh air.  He took the Metro to the Smithsonian stop, coming up to street level on the Mall.  He got himself a cup of coffee and a muffin from a food truck before setting off in the general direction of the Washington Monument.  For as long as he’d lived in DC he didn’t spend nearly enough time enjoying the sights and activities the city had to offer.

He wandered around for a few hours, visiting the Lincoln Memorial and walking around the Tidal Basin to the Jefferson Memorial.  As he crossed back towards the Mall his text alert went off.

 

_AS-Hey, you feel like getting a little fresh air?_

 

Tony chuckled as he took a quick selfie with the Washington Monument behind him.

 

_AS-okay so you’re already enjoying fresh air.  Lunch?_

_AD-Sure.  Food truck or real restaurant?_

_AS-food truck, definitely.  By Air and Space Museum in half an hour?_

_AD-It’s a date_

Tony arrived first, taking a seat on a bench to wait for Abby.  She arrived a few minutes later with a big hug and kiss for her friend.   They headed for different food trucks, meeting a few minutes later with tacos and chicken fingers to share.

Abby pulled a blanket out of her oversized tote and spread it out on the grass.  They ate while talking a mile a minute about whatever sprang to their minds.  Which made for a conversation mere mortals would have had a hard time following. 

“So it’s been an eventful 10 days, hasn’t it,” Abby said as she moved the empty food containers to the side and scooted over a little closer to Tony, resting her head on his shoulder.

“It has.  Probably sounds stupid, but for as miserable as I was, I’ve spent some quality time with my friends during all of it.  Would have preferred to spend time with all of you while I wasn’t coughing up a lung or puking, but there were some really nice moments despite all that.”

“Reminded you just how much you’re loved?” Abby guessed as she reached for his hand.

“Yep.  And I’m sure I have more talking left to do but I’ve made a start.  And nobody made fun of me or told me I shouldn’t feel the way I do.  That being said, I’m looking forward to just getting back to normal and out into the field.  I’m quite finished with the vague looks of pity you’ve all tried your damn best to hide.”

“We have all tried really hard,” Abby said with a laugh.

“I know.  I can’t imagine what would have happened if you didn’t try,” Tony snorted.  He put his arm around Abby and kissed the top of her head. 

Abby threw away their trash while Tony replied to texts from McGee and his Dad.

They spent an hour or so wandering around the Air and Space Museum.  Eventually Tony’s energy was starting to wane just a little.  They walked out of the museum and parted ways, Abby heading to run a few errands of her own and Tony heading towards the Metro.

*******

Tony enjoyed his homecooked meal for dinner before taking a hot shower.  He picked out a suit and tie for the morning, the first one he’d worn in over a week.  Ducky and Gibbs both called to check in.  He gave them both quick updates and to his delight, neither seemed to want to chat for very long.  Not that he expected Gibbs to be chatty.

He crawled into bed a little after 10, wanting to get plenty of sleep before his return to fieldwork in the morning.


	13. Chapter 13

Tony’s first two days back in the field were very busy.  And he was fine with that.  Being out with the rest of the team was just what the doctor ordered. 

By 10:00 on Monday morning there were out investigating a dead Marine found in a section of a Metro station which was undergoing renovations.  Tony jumped right in, climbing scaffolding and photographing the crime scene.  At one point in the investigation, Gibbs and Ducky stood off to the side, watching the team with pride, like a set of parents.

 

The body was back at the Navy Yard by early afternoon and by 2:30 they were all huddled by the plasma going over their findings.  Ducky had forgone the morning exam of Tony and had only seen him at the crime scene.  And over a dead body wasn’t exactly the time to whip out a stethoscope.  So while the team was going over the evidence Ducky wandered up to at least check on Tony from a distance.  He came off the elevator and leaned against Ziva’s old desk, watching the reunited team.  Tony was clearly back in his element, calling McGee nicknames and teasing Abby about something.  Gibbs was leaning against his own desk, watching the team with a small smile on his face and a cup of coffee in his hand.  He glanced over his shoulder when he realized Ducky was behind him.  Ducky winked at his friend as Gibbs stepped over to him.

“How’s our boy doing?” Ducky asked, gesturing towards Tony.

“Happy to be back.  Seems to be keeping up with everything and everyone,” Gibbs explained as he took a sip of his coffee.  “I think he’s doing better emotionally too.  Or at least as far as this emotionally constipated guy can tell,” Gibbs teased, using the words Tony had used on him in the basement over a week earlier.

Ducky chuckled a little. “I think so too.  But I’d still like him out of here by 5:00.”

“Can’t promise that Ducky.  You want me to send him down to see you?” Gibbs offered. 

“You know, I can hear the two of you,” Tony said with a snort as he glanced over his shoulder at the two older men.  Both laughed and took a few steps towards the rest of the team.

“Just looking out for you Anthony,” Ducky pointed out with the wink.

“I know.  How about I come see you in a little while?  I’m sure you’re dying to listen to my breathing,” he teased.

“It’s what I’m living for these days my dear boy,” Ducky teased as he turned to leave.  He patted Gibbs on the shoulder and headed back down to Autopsy.

******

Tony did head down to endure what he hoped was one of his final check ups by his favorite ME.  “Okay Ducky, let’s do this,” he announced as he came through the sliding doors.

“Be right out,” Ducky called from the supply room.

“Surviving the day?” Jimmy asked as he was finishing up suturing the body from their current case. 

“Yeah, happy to be back in the field but honestly, I’m a little tired.  Hoping this is my final check up.” Tony admitted.

“I heard that Anthony, my hearing is just fine,” Ducky called.

“Never thought otherwise,” Tony called back.  He unbuttoned his blue dress shirt, pulling it out of his pants while he waited for Ducky to reappear. 

Thankfully his lung sounds continued to improve and Ducky’s exam was limited to a quick listen.

Tony left by 5:15 thanks to a strong suggestion by both Ducky and Gibbs.  The rest of the team was wrapping up too, so Tony didn’t feel like he was missing anything or wasn’t carrying his weight with the case.

************

Two days later Tony found himself pulling his car in the parking lot of Brad’s church.  He’d managed to leave the Navy Yard with enough time to run home for a quick shower and a little something to eat before making the short drive to the church.  He’d kept his destination to himself, not talking to anyone about it.  Earlier in the day he’d almost told Tim about it.  They had gone out for a quick lunch at a nearby coffee shop and he had actually made an attempt to steer the conversation in a direction which would have made segue about the meeting possible, but a call from Abby about their current case derailed the conversation and he decided not to make another attempt to tell Tim.  He realized he hadn’t even told Brad he was definitely going.  Truth was, until he pulled the car into the lot, he wasn’t quite sure himself.  But he figured he would give it a try, couldn’t hurt anything and might even help a bit.  He was about 15 minutes early so he pulled his phone out of his pocket.

 

_AD-so I’m sitting in my car outside the church.  Pretty sure I’m going in._

_BP-proud of you Buckeye.  Go in with an open mind.  If nothing else, you might meet some new friends.  How are you feeling?_

_AD-Mind is open.  I feel pretty good, still falling asleep earlier than usual, but that’s probably not the worst thing that could happen to me._

_BP-yes, sleep is a good thing.  I’m about to go out to dinner with Megan.  So you can tell me all about the meeting tomorrow when you come in for a quick check up._

_AD-Megan?  Proud of you too!!  Okay, I’m going in._

Tony checked his hair in the mirror before opening the car door with a deep breath.  He’d seen a few guys head in the side door and he figured he was in the right place.  Turning his collar up against the chilly wind he crossed the parking lot.  He walked up the path to the door with a smile in the direction of the guy walking towards him.

“Men’s group?” the man asked with a smile.

“Yeah,” Tony replied quietly, suddenly second guessing his decision to come.

“You are in the right place.  I’m Tom,” the man said, holding his hand out to Tony who took it with a small, uncertain smile in return. 

“Nice to meet you Tom, I’m Tony,” he replied as they stepped inside.

“I’m going to guess this is your first time here?” Tom guessed as he slipped off his coat and hung it on the rack in the hallway.

“That obvious?” Tony muttered as he slipped off his own coat.

“Yeah, you have that vaguely uncomfortable, kind of lost look about you.  Which makes you a perfect candidate for this group.  Come on in, nothing to be afraid of,” Tom assured him as he pushed the door to the meeting room open.  Tony took a deep breath and followed him in.

******

Pulling up to the church Tony really had no idea what to expect from the whole thing.  He was pleasantly surprised by the laid back aspect of the group.  Each man was given a chance to introduce themselves at the beginning, much like any self help group.  Some were clearly long time members and they gave updates on their personal situations.  The other members clapped, gave high fives and other forms of encouragement.  The whole thing was informal but there was an underlying sense order to it.  Everyone was respectful of each other and were genuinely vested in each other’s circumstances.  Tony had shared a bit, simply stating he was struggling with the loss of a friend and wasn’t handling it too well.  Short and sweet, it felt good to say it aloud to people who didn’t know him, people who didn’t have preconceived notions of how he should feel.

After everyone had a chance to share they talked about a career fair they were planning for the members of the Boy’s and Girl’s Club of Greater DC.  It was planned for the early Spring.  Apparently it was a big deal, one which took months of careful planning.  The whole idea appealed to Tony.  While he didn’t really see kids in his future he had been warming up to the idea of actually spending time with children.  His fear of kids had been steadily disappeared over recent years.  He thought what kind of booth NCIS could have.  Maybe something with a mock crime scene, fingerprinting, basic forensic principals.  Abby would have a great time helping out, he thought to himself as he listened to some of the other ideas which were being thrown out to the group.

As with any similar type meeting, there was coffee in cardboard cups and donuts in the corner of the room.  When the meeting ended a few people came up to him and introduced themselves formally to Tony.  Small talk was a forte of his and he felt instantly as ease.

 

Two hours after entering the church, Tony walked out towards his car with Tom, who he had learned was in the middle of a divorce, and Ethan who’d recently moved to DC for his wife’s job and was adjusting to being a stay at home dad.  They were both roughly Tony’s age.  There had been about half a dozen other men at the meeting, ranging in age from Matthew, a college student, up to Nick, who had recently lost his wife of 50 years.

Business cards and cell phone numbers were exchanged between the 3 men and Tony got into his car feeling a sense of contentment and belonging he hadn’t felt in a long, long time.  He started the car and checked his cell.  There was a missed text from Tim, nothing important, just him checking in.  He sent a quick, generic reply.  There was also a missed call from Abby without a voicemail.  For a fleeting second he thought about calling her and telling her where he’d spent the evening.  But something stopped him.  The thought of keeping his taking part in the group to himself was appealing.  He needed something which wasn’t connected to his team, something beyond the Navy Yard, in the words of Ducky.  For the time being, he’d keep it to himself and of course Brad.

As he pulled out of the parking space he realized hadn’t eaten much for dinner, both due to lack of time and nervousness about attending the group.   So, he stopped at the diner by his home for a cup of coffee and a snack.

The diner was fairly empty at almost 10 at night.  Tony sat in a booth by the window, looking out over the street.  A few people walked by, a couple of teenagers, an older man walking his dog.  The waitress who came over was one who served him at least once a week so she made a little small talk before taking his order to the kitchen and grabbing him a mug of coffee. 

Alone in the quiet with his coffee and grilled cheese sandwich he thought about the previous two weeks.  While there were large chunks of the time he preferred to just forget, there were ones he’d remember for a long time.  Miserably sick and being taken care of by his friends reminded him how lucky he was to have people in his life who cared as much as his friends did.  He made a vow to himself to be more mindful of accepting the help his friends offered.  There was no need for him to go through painful and difficult times alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that is that. Thanks to all for your kudos, comments and encouragement.


End file.
